My life......my rules......my writings

I've forgotten what it's like to blog

2011-07-31T20:24:00.003+08:00

actually......I totally forgot that I even had a blog.

my goodness...........the past 2 years flew by just like that. just thinking about it, I've left my student days behind me for slightly over 3 years. I've reached my mid-twenties and I'm a certified workaholic.........

the past 2 years has been a crazy ride for me. looking at my last few blog posts, they were all about my first year at work. well, it's been 2 years and 7 months since I started working in this bank and believe it or not, but life keeps getting better. I'm working long hours and the stress levels are higher but I enjoy what I do and I enjoy the company I work for. I've also gone from a wannabe banker to a wannabe investment banker. last month, I've just been transferred to my 5th team/department in this organisation. not bad, I average 7.5 months per team/department.

blogging was a fave past-time when I was in college/uni to document my life. now, it feels strange to be blogging again about work. I just can't think of anything to blog about. It's a total *blank*.

I think my blogging days are gone just like my carefree college days........

sometimes, the worst possible situation becomes the best opportunity

2010-04-21T23:46:00.002+08:00

after almost 16 months in my current job, I am convinced that life is indeed full of crazy surprises and you can't predict anything.

I've always been the futuristic type who likes to plan ahead but the past 7 months have taught me that no matter how good we are at planning, life already has other plans in store, waiting to come out and surprise you.

7 months ago, I was absolutely furious with my job. I didn't like where I was placed at and I felt trapped, like I had no better options. I wanted out, yet I knew it wasn't time. so I fought and got pissed off, and I fought some more until I lost the war.

and losing is really an amazing thing because it teaches you so much. humility was the main lesson and most of all, no matter how right you think you are, you could still be wrong. 7 months ago I lost a well-fought battle and in defeat, I vowed that I was going to come out of the defeat stronger than ever.

I'm glad to say that I did. I took all the anger and turned it into something positive. despite feeling frustrated and unhappy, I told myself that I was a performer and that nothing was going to stop me from showing the world what I could offer. I was ready to learn, study, work hard and survive through it all.

I never thought I would last this long. I planned my exit for 3-4 months later and when the time came to evaluate my options, I knew that things had changed and I had changed. losing and then accepting the lost was the best thing to have happened to my career. I grew up in those short 3-4 months. I saw things differently and I began to understand that things happened for a reason and no matter how under-appreciated or dejected I felt, someone was looking after me and I will be ok.

in January, I told myself that I was in it for the long haul and I will continue pushing for results.

in February, I came back from a 4-day trip to Cambodia and I was a different person completely. the short trip reminded me of all the things I had learned while I was there for 6 weeks. it reminded me of all the goals I had in life and most importantly, the person I wanted to be. in over a year, I had forgotten who I was and who I had wanted to become. I had allowed myself to be influenced by all the negative forces in life and to become an unhappy person.

so I made a resolution for 2010. I was going to change and remember to be the better person that I was. I was going to let go of all the negativity and embrace the wonders of this life because life is indeed too short to waste.

now it's April and I'm in a very good place. I am starting to be really happy regardless of the stresses of my job and to laugh at work. I no longer bring home work all the time and I don't stay back as late as I used to. I have started to spend more time with friends and made an effort to work out in the gym.

they call it work-life balance. I call it "finding happiness".

and the best part is...........I feel great and I am productive and performing. I know the role I have to play and I am starting to see a clear career path ahead. I've mended bridges that I tore down previously and have built even more bridges.

today was a great day and tomorrow will be better. I am in a happy place.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2010-01-25T00:01:00.003+08:00

it's 2010!!

how time flies...............didn't realise that I had not been blogging for almost 3 months!

well, work's been extremely crazy the whole month of december. I rarely leave the office before 9pm. currently, we're in pilot phase and the workload is picking up again. very exciting times ahead for the initiative. I foresee another crazy year filled with work and more work.

I'm officially a workaholic. next step is to actually marry my job and start sleeping in the office. I've already started going in on Saturdays to work.....

totally a romantic at heart

2009-11-08T23:50:00.002+08:00

just watched the time traveller's wife. lovely movie............made me cry a couple of buckets of tears.

ok. I'm exaggerating. I didn't cry that much but I cried enough. I am just a sucker for romance. whether it's romance novels or movies, I love anything that centers around love.

oh well, I guess there's a soft spot in all of us. most people see my tough personality and my fearless behavior that they assume I'm all cold and emotionless. however, never judge a book by its cover.

that being said, I miss watching movies like this. I miss being on an emotional rollercoaster. since becoming so busy with work, I no longer have time for movies or even time to feel. how sad is that?

Maldives trip photos - Part 1

2009-11-02T00:42:00.009+08:00

finally found some time to do this! can't believe I did not blog for the past 2 months!

anyways, went to Maldives in august for a week with my housemate and it was an incredible trip. had never stayed in such expensive resorts before and not likely to get the opportunity for a few more years.

Zul brought us around Male (capital) and then we went to Maafushivaru and finally, the Conrad. these pics are taken from the time we departed at KLIA until the time we were leaving Male for Maafushivaru.

and another month is almost gone

2009-08-30T18:18:00.002+08:00

when I was in high school and college, I always wanted to "live life on the fast lane". oh well, I think my wish came true.

these days, everything is moving so fast that sometimes life feels like a big blurry image that I can't quite see or comprehend. Monday comes, I'm swamped with work and all I can think about for the next 5 days is work and my career, then it's Friday night, and I'm busy trying to have a social life and to settle household chores as well as get in a few hours of gym/futsal, then it's Monday again and the cycle repeats itself.

before I know it, another month has come and gone. sometimes, I feel like I need to take 15 mins off to blog about what's been going in my life but I can't find the energy to make up sentences and organize my thoughts into words.

looking at the very few posts I've written this year, it doesn't help me remember all the important moments in my life which is what this blog is meant for. I really need to start making it a point to blog at least once a week so that I can chronicle the beginnings of my career and my life post-college.

I shall try and start today...............so after this, I'm going to head to Ikea for some furniture shopping. oh yes, I bought a new bed yesterday!! very nice white japanese style bed frame. been wanting such a bed frame since last year. now I need to get some storage space for my other junk. need to start organizing my life and I'll start with my room. then later tonite, I intend to blog about my amazing trip to Maldives!!

july came and went too soon

2009-08-03T09:46:00.003+08:00

it's August!! my goodness, more than half a year has gone just like that. working life has been hectic, crazy, fun, frustrating, amusing, enjoyable, depressing, exciting, challenging, and a lot more. there were good times and there were bad times. my fave answer to the question "how's work?" is "well, there are good days and there are bad days".

to be extremely honest, at times I do regret my decision to join this financial institution. yet ther e are times when I am grateful that I have this opportunity and the salary that comes with it. if I were to evaluate the past 7 months as objectively as possible, I would say that I have quite a good bargain here.

since I am actually free this morning at work, I am going to do an objective evaluation of my past 7 months. let's start with the positives.

positive points:

1) working hours have been pretty acceptable. there are a few days when I have to stay til 9 something but that's ok for me cos it's not often. my normal going home time is between 7.30 - 8.30pm which is good cos it still leaves me with enough time to have dinner with friends, go for a movie, or go to the gym.

2) the people are fun. no kidding, people in my department are actually fun. probably cos our average age is pretty young in comparison to the rest of the bank. a large majority are under 40 and both the big bosses are also under 40. the mindset in my team is also a little more liberal than the rest of the organization. I've met a bunch of fun party people here and I look forward to more parties with them.

3) I am learning a lot though it might not necessarily be what I am interested in. I spent 6 months in an IT initiative, learning so much about IT Governance and IT Projects. now, I am attached to the HR initiatives, and will soon be learning a lot more about the development of talent in the organization. a lot of what I am learning is not something that fresh grads get an opportunity to learn. being in this department, I am exposed to all the different business and support sectors and I get a holistic view of the organization.

4) I have a decent above average salary. it's not very high (there are other places that offer more for fresh grads) but it's higher than most people and I am in the Management Associates program which adds some weight to my resume.

5) I get to work with management consultants from one of the world's largest consulting firms. there's a lot to learn from them in terms of thought processes, problem solving skills, troubleshooting and critical thinking. they don't always have the answers, but how they work towards the answers by asking the right questions is an asset. I've also learned valuable project management skills from them. when put into practice, these skills encourage a culture of disciplined thoughts and actions.

now, for the negative points.

negative points:

1) this organization needs a major overhaul of its workforce. many people need to buck up, or be removed. many line managers could also use a kick in the ass. sometimes, when having to deal with these ppl, it frustrates me so much that they seriously have a 3rd world mentality. I don't like working in an under-performing company, and this organization is seriously filled with underperformers. can my dept (transformation team) make a difference and rid the organization of these people?

2) I have to wear formal to work everyday and it's rather boring and uncomfortable. I am the type of person that enjoys wearing comfy clothes while working and if I'm not meeting clients or outsiders, I don't see why I have to dress up for work and strut around in my high heels. my boss does not like it when I wear my flip flops around the office, even if I'm just sitting at my workstation or after office hours!

3) sometimes, I have too much free time and it bores me. like right now, if I am not blogging, I would be seriously dead bored.

4) I can't access Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and a lot of other popular sites. why are they banning these sites in the office?? they can't expect us to be robots without the occasional 5 min facebook break! this mindset that people cannot focus on work because they will be busy surfing the net is old school. if you have motivated and disciplined ppl, you won't have to worry about that. I would never allow facebook/twitter to affect my job performance and that's cos I'm not one of them underperformers.

5) the consultants are pretty annoying sometimes. for all the good they bring, they also bring along some pain. they might be the experts on transformation, but there's really no need to stuff your ideas down everyone's throat and to be so stubborn. you might know best most of the time, but not all the time. just cause we're not consultants doesn't mean we are lacking in raw intelligence. some of us are probably smarter than you guys but we're just not in the same line of work.

looking at the lists above, I have to say, I shouldn't complain about my job as much as I do. the truth is, I am grateful for the job I have. sometimes, I just allow my frustrations to dominate my emotions and thoughts. moving forward, I am going to try to be more positive at work even when it's a bad day.

PISSED

2009-07-01T17:37:00.002+08:00

since joining this organization, I've had my fair share of happy, sad and pissy moments. but.........this one definitely gets first prize.

I've been stewing on this for the past 3 hours. I've been so pissed off that I have refused to do any work and have spent most of the past 3 hours surfing the net and listening to Michael Jackson. add in a half hour bitching about the organization and its people to my team mates.

I've tried to be positive everytime something negative comes up but this one is too much. I have not felt this insulted for a very long time.

honestly, how can you rate me an average 3 when it is clear to all that I can communicate so much better than a lot of ppl in the organization. I don't just speak better english than 90% (and I'm being modest with this figure) of the organization, I articulate and explain myself well. I deliver presentations well and I have exerted so much control into what I say at meetings and in my discussions that sometimes I feel like blowing up.

so maybe I'm a little more direct and honest than the average Malaysian but really, are you going to judge me on the sarcastic remarks that I make in my casual conversations? ok, I'll admit that I make sarcastic remarks during those weekly (not so formal) team meetings that we have but come on................who doesn't joke? besides, I'm sarcastic when I'm poking fun at the obvious wrongs in the company. I'm merely saying what everyone in the room is thinking. hell, I'm not dumb enough to use that sarcasm when I am interacting with ppl outside the team.

sometimes, I feel that honesty is not valued and dry humour is not appreciated. must we always be soooooooo fucking uptight that we can't spin a little sarcasm into our comments?

really, is there any organization out there that will actually be able to tolerate my so called "lack of tact"?

fine. I admit that I am not sensitive or considerate enough to other ppl's feelings. I am cold, cruel and I deserve to be alone and not have any friends because no one likes a tactless bitch.

maybe I should remember that to be "friendly" to people, we should never make sarcastic jokes because it's just not being sensitive/considerate to them.

I am so tired of thinking and being pissed about this. go ahead and rate me whatever you like (even though I have spent less than 10% of the past 6 months working with you). if my other leader does not have a problem with my communication skills and she is willing to rate me higher, I think your rating lacks any substantial evidence and it's just your personal feeling.

so whatever. I'm already feeling better after ranting here.

1 hour 18 minutes 49 seconds

2009-06-30T22:15:00.002+08:00

my official time for the Stand Chart KL Marathon is out!!

I definitely outperformed my expectations. was hoping I would be able to finish in 1 hour 30 mins and ended up finishing 11 mins earlier. not too bad...............my kiasu-ness came out during the race. hahaha!

not really kiasu-ness. I think it's called competitiveness. when I've set my mind on something, I rarely give up and I've invested too much energy to leave the marathon without accomplishing my goal.

next race, I'm going to aim for 1 hour 15 mins. or maybe, I should be over-ambitious and push myself harder and aim for 1 hour 10 mins.............I'll think about it. probably going to take a 3 month break from this whole running thing. will continue to frequent the gym but the focus will be on weight training.

well, I'm still aching from sunday's run but the pain is definitely worth it after seeing my official time. yesterday, the pain was really bad. I was walking really slow and funny. didn't help that there was a birthday celebration and Wii party at my office. I had a few games of tennis and a couple of boxing matches with my colleagues which resulted in my arms also aching today.

LOL. but yesterday was fun. I'm no longer a Wii virgin!! the pain was pretty worth it. hahaha!

my goodness.............I've been bursting with energy ever since the run. despite my whole body aching, I feel so alive. really looking forward to the next run but I know I need to take a break now and gain some weight first.

celebrating Michael Jackson

2009-06-28T19:11:00.002+08:00

it is still so hard to believe that he is gone.

on Friday nite, we drank and remembered the life of Michael Jackson, listening to his music and watching tv shows on him.

he was an icon that we grew up to. no doubt I was a little too young during his peak in the 80s and early 90s, but imagine knowing who MJ was since I was born. his music and dancing has definitely influenced me and the artists that I love and adore (eg. Justin Timberlake).

the world seems so empty without a star icon like him. will there be another King of Pop? I doubt I will live to see another MJ or another star that can rival him.

I am going to dedicate this post to him and post lyrics of my ultimate fave songs from him.

Human Nature
Looking out
Across the night-time
The city winks a sleepless eye
Hear her voice
Shake my window
Sweet seducing sighs

Get me out
Into the night-time
Four walls won't hold me tonight
If this town
Is just an apple
Then let me take a bite

If they say
Why, why, tell em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
If they say
Why, why, tell em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way

Reaching out
To touch a stranger
Electric eyes are everywhere
See that girl
She knows I'm watching
She likes the way I stare

If they say
Why, why, tell em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
If they say
Why, why, tell em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
I like livin this way
I like lovin this way

Looking out
Across the morning
The city's heart begins to beat
Reaching out
I touch her shoulder
I'm dreaming of the street

If they say
Why, why, tell em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
If they say
Why, why, tell em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
I like livin this way

Billie Jean
She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don't mind,
But what do you mean I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round
She said I am the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round

She told me her name was Billie Jean,
As she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor in the round

People always told me
Be careful of what you do
And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts
And mother always told me
Be careful of who you love
And be careful of what you do 'cause the lie becomes the truth

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She days I am the one,
But the kid is not my son

For forty days and forty nights
The law was on her side
But who can stand when she's in demand
Her schemes and plans
'Cause we danced on the floor in the round
So take my strong advice,
Just remember to always think twice(do think twice)

She told my baby we'd danced 'till three
Then she looked at me
Then showed a photo my baby cried
His eyes looked like mine
Go on dance on the floor in the round, baby

People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do
And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts
She Came And Stood Right By Me
Then The Smell Of Sweet Perfume
This Happened Much Too Soon
She Called Me To Her Room

Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son

She Says I Am The One,
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One,
But The Kid Is Not My Son

Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One,
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One,
She Says He Is My Son
She Says I Am The One

Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover
Billie Jean is not my lover

Man In The Mirror
I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life
It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right.
As I, turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind?
Pretending not to see their needs
A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other on the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go

That's why I want you to know
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself, and then make a change)
(Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be really me, pretending that they're not alone?
A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed-out dream(Washed-Out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind, ya' see
Cause they got no place to be

That's why I'm starting with me(Starting with me!)
I'm starting with the man in the mirror(Ooh!)
I'm asking him to change his ways(Ooh!)
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself and then make a change)

I'm starting with the man in the mirror(Ooh!)
I'm asking him to change his ways(Change his ways-Ooh!)
And no message could've been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself and then make that...
(Take a look at yourself and then make that...)
Change!

I'm starting with the man in the mirror,(Man in the mirror-Oh yeah!)
I'm asking him to change his ways(Better change!)
No message could have been any clearer
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
(Take a look at yourself and then make the change)
(You gotta get it right, while you got the time)
('Cause when you close your heart)
You can't close your... your mind!
(Then you close your... mind!)

That man, that man, that man, that man
With that man in the mirror(Man in the mirror, oh yeah!)
That man, that man, that man
I'm asking him to change his ways(Better change!)
You know... That man
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself and then make a change)

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah(Oh yeah!)
Gonna feel real good now!
Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah!
Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah(Ooooh...)
Oh no, no no...I'm gonna make a change
It's gonna feel real good!Come on!(Change...)
Just lift yourself
You know
You've got to stop it.
Yourself!(Yeah!-Make that change!)

I've got to make that change, today!Hoo!
(Man in the mirror)
You got to
You got to not let yourself...Brother...Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make that change!)
You know-I've got to get that man, that man...
(Man in the mirror)
You've got to
You've got to move! Come on! Come on!
You got to...Stand up! Stand up! Stand up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand up and lift yourself, now!
(Man in the mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!Aaow!(Yeah-Make that change)
Gonna make that change... come on!
(Man in the mirror)
You know it!
You know it!
You know it!
You know...(Change...)
Make that change

SUPER SHOCKING

2009-06-26T11:11:00.003+08:00

yes...............the news is out. today, the one and only Michael Jackson has left the world.

shocked beyond words, the only thing I could do this morning when I heard the news on radio was to take out my handphone and immediately googled for the news.

it seems so unreal. a musical legend that was unrivaled in terms of talent is no longer with us, even as he was planning a comeback tour.

I'm not a huge fan but I'm definitely a fan. the radios are playing his songs as a tribute and hearing them brings me close to tears. hitz.fm is playing "thriller" right now and it's reminding me of the Fraser's Hill drinking party we had last year, where Wayne did his own remake of the video clip.

tonite, we're going to have a drinking session and I am going to dedicate the session to the legend. let us drink in his memory and let us celebrate his life.

despite my teenage years being the "boyband era" and not the 80s which was ruled by MJ, I believe that quite a number of my peers grew up with his music and his music is timeless. whether it's the 80s, 90s, or the 2000s, people continue to love his music and he will forever be remembered.

I hope his children are well taken care of and I hope his soul will finally find peace. no more stupid media and paparazzi to haunt him.

Lallu's 24th birthday @ Poppy

2009-06-13T16:47:00.011+08:00

another birthday, another celebration at Poppy. this time, it's the older sister and my housemate and good buddy from college.

as usual, everyone was late and I was a little annoyed because everyone only arrived after 12.30am. but, the night turned out pretty fine and we had a good time.

sometimes.......I wish that I had never met you

2009-06-06T14:09:00.002+08:00

the title says it all.

I had finally found peace after so many years and then you had to come along.

I can't figure out what game you're playing, or if you are even playing at all.

I just know that I am fed up and done.

I'm ready to walk away and starting from today, I am going to.

goodbye...................

is God sending me signs??

2009-06-03T11:57:00.004+08:00

okay.............I know I'm not exactly the type of person who talks about God or even believes in a religion but sometimes, I do feel that there's a higher power that's telling me where to go or what to do. I'm agnostic, so I do believe in the existence of a higher being and I can't help but feel that that higher being is guiding me along life. it's funny and I don't know how to explain this phenomenon.

anyway, let's track back to the signs that I am talking about.

ever since I made the decision to go to Cambodia last year for a few weeks of social work and soul searching, I find myself even more confused at times over where I am heading.

my time in Cambodia opened my eyes to a different side of the world, to a different type of life that I had never considered for myself. I went there with a purpose, and I went there with good intentions. what I never counted on was how happy I would be while I was there. despite being so close to the pain and suffering of others, I felt profound happiness as I was able to do a small tiny part in easing that pain and suffering.

upon returning from Cambodia, I went back to my old life. I wasn't the same person anymore and I wanted different things in life. despite all that, I lived my life the way I normally would have. it was as though I had not gone to Cambodia at all. I partied a lot, worked a lot of hours, was focused on money and more money. and then, the bubble burst.

my dream job became a nightmare. my career path suddenly reached a road block. and I was left questioning myself on how I had ended up in the hole that I was in.

lucky for me, I was saved from that hole. I got a better job, one that I am quite satisfied with. and one by one, everything started falling into place. first, I decided to cut down on the partying. then, I became more focused on my work, and finally, I got an invite to join the committee of Agathians Shelter, a home for boys that I had previously helped.

since I started working last year, I was constantly wondering how I was going to fit social work into my schedule. I wanted to continue helping Agathians, but wasn't sure how I could now that I don't have the time to organize fundraising events like before. somehow, the answer came in the form of a phone call from one of the committee members, who asked me to join them in the committee. now, that question has been answered and I have an avenue to help the home and continue with my social work.

the next question I had has to do with my organization's CSR programme. I knew my organization has one, and I know briefly what they are doing. however, I wasn't sure how I could get in touch with them and how I could leverage my organization's financial power to help my cause.

well today, I met someone from another department who is a member of this CSR programme and who has been involved. from what I understand, not much is being done now and I am sure the CSR programme can be improved in the future. the next step is to get involved and then find an avenue to push through my ideas. this lady I met today shares my viewpoint and she is also passionate about social work.

somehow, despite not actively looking for the answers to my questions above, the answers came by themselves. it is as though something somewhere is constantly sending me little reminders of how important social work is to me. whenever I "forget" about social work and start to become more focused on my career and other less important aspects of life, something pops up and reminds me of all my aspirations involving social work.

I can't say for sure that these are "signs from God" but somehow, it feels that way. I still don't know how I am going to achieve all my dreams but I feel that the answers are coming in by themselves, slowly but surely. I'm starting to be convinced that social work is my calling. right now, I'm not really ready to answer that call but I feel like I am building up towards that. that seems to be my reason for existence. I know I might sound a little crazy but everyone's here for a reason and I'm starting to understand my role in this world.

maybe................I have too much time on my hands at work and I'm thinking a little too much. work has been kinda slow this week because I am transitioning out of my initiative and will be assigned to a different role come this Friday.

why stay on the left side when the right side's more fun?

2009-06-01T13:43:00.003+08:00

the new year had begun............2008 was history and 2009 was an amazing year waiting to unfold. so after a pretty drunken new year's eve party that got a little too loud (neighbours complained, guards were pissed with us, we had to chase people home), I was cleaning my condo at 5am, sobering up and wondering what possessed me to suggest that the party was held at my 3 month old condo (ok, it's a rented condo but it was brand new).

one part of my wall was splattered with bailey's thanks to a slightly drunk friend who dropped an almost full bottle of bailey's on the floor (5 months later and the stains are still there, though not as prominent as before). there was one person dead asleep on my room floor, and another super drunk fren had puked all over my bathroom floor. I had cleaned up that mess at around 3 something, while still a little intoxicated.

as I moped away and tidied up the place (there were still a few frens around but they had all been chased into my room to sleep) with my housemates, for once I felt sick and tired of partying. I felt that my 4 months of constant partying and livin' it up was too much and I was ready for a quiet year ahead.

and so..........I told myself that 2009 was going to be a pretty sober year. it was going to be a year where partying wasn't a priority but my career would be the number 1 focus. I also decided that I wasn't going to be ms super-single-afraid-of-committment anymore. if I found a good guy that was worth it, I was going to throw away all my fears of committment and plunge into the unknown.

5 months have passed. I've been pretty sober, clubbing a lot less and only when necessary, focusing on my career and even exercising regularly (I joined a gym and am now a partial fitness-nut). I think I've gotten my priorities pretty right so far. life is looking very positive and I don't think I've been healthier in a long while. I've also gotten involved in social work again, sitting in the committee of Agathians Shelter.

I told a few close friends in the past couple of months that I was going to re-brand myself this year. the old "playful party girl" was going away and will be replaced with a more matured, serious, and decent girl. no more wild partying and meeting random guys in clubs. no more casual dating and flings that don't mean anything.

the journey to a new and "better" me is not easy and it's definitely not over. I've felt the urge to go back to my old ways, just for awhile, just to feel young and alive again. I guess it's true what they say, a leopard cannot change its spots. at the same time, I'm not a leopard. I'm not trying to change my physical being, but my personality and more specifically, my unhealthy vices. I know I'm not always going to be a party girl.

one thing has kept me going strong so far. the reason I have not given in to my vices have been my friends and most importantly, a certain someone whom I met this year. no I am not dating anyone (in case you are wondering) and yes, I am probably going to be single for a long time to come. what that person has done is made me realize that I am no longer the same person that I was 5 years ago or 6 months ago. no longer the same person who was intend on playing around and having fun.

now, I am starting to realize that the ultimate goals I have in life will not be achieved by partying and getting drunk. I am ready now to move on into the next phase of my life. sometimes, I will still party and club. but now I will do it in moderation. I am content to just sit at home during weekends and relax. if I find someone to sit at home with on weekends, great. if not, the tv is a good enough companion and I have a lot of friends to call on.

so why choose to stay on the left side when the right side's more fun? because I've had a taste of the right side and just like alcohol, it gets you high but after the high, comes the unavoidable low. the left side might be more boring and predictable, but at the end of the day, the left side will be where I will find true happiness and comfort for the long run.

Maalini's 20th Birthday @ Poppy

2009-05-24T10:41:00.008+08:00

Been too lazy to blog so this post has been pending for more than a month. Pictures from my housemate's sister's birthday celebrations at Poppy.

falling.................

2009-04-20T04:05:00.002+08:00

I lose my step
I lose my ground
I lose my self
When you're around
I'm holding on for my life
To keep from drowning in your eyes

-N SYNC, Falling-

totally in love with this song. was just unpacking some of my stuff and came across my old cd collection. how I miss the boybands of my yesterdays..............

confusion

2009-04-16T22:13:00.002+08:00

sometimes in life, there are questions that you just can't find the answers to.

all you're left with is confusion..............................the more I think about it, the more confused I get. bah! in some ways, the sore throat helps to keep my mind off these thoughts that are constantly harassing me.

btw, the sore throat was really killing me from yesterday evening so today, I went to see the doctor in Menara to get some antibiotics. the other stupid doc didn't want to give me any because she said my throat wasn't that bad yet and if it gets worse (which it obviously did!), to go back and get them.

anyways, an hour after taking the antibiotic, my throat is less painful. at least I can go to sleep tonite with less pain than the previous nite (where I wanted to cry and was wishing I had painkillers/sleeping pills).

misery aside, it's my convocation this sunday!! woo hoo!! finally........................after 11 months of waiting. the excitement has totally died and I'm just doing this because my parents would love to see their only daughter in the graduation gown and cap. the plus side is that I get to see my parents (haven't been back to pg since cny) and celebrate my dad's birthday (on monday!).

thank heavens it's friday tomorrow!! I'm so tired of work (been quite boring last week and this week).

sick

2009-04-14T19:14:00.002+08:00

feeling like crap today. spent the whole day just resting and sleeping at home.

last nite, woke up with a really high fever. I felt like my whole body was on fire. took 2 panadols and went back to bed. got up this morning feeling pretty ok except for the heavy head and bad sore throat. actually got ready for work but decided (after consulting my housemates) to stay home and rest. by late morning, the fever was back and this time, I went to the doctor's.

got some meds, and slept the whole afternoon away. feeling a lot better now. should be able to go to work tomorrow.

tonight, nicky's band is playing a gig at urban attic. to go or not to go?? I'm not really feeling that great but I feel like I should go and support him. been planning to go for this for a long time and seems kinda wrong to pull out at the last min. yet, I think I need to rest at home instead of going out and spreading the germs.

another month, another post

2009-04-03T23:11:00.003+08:00

to be honest, I've forgotten about this blog. my poor companion for the past almost 5 years is no longer a priority.

work has taken over my life and my internet surfing and relaxation time is limited to the hour before I go to bed.

*sigh*

but other than the crazy work hours, life is pretty good. I've gotten used to a corporate donkey lifestyle. getting up every morning before the sun rises feels normal now. I'm no longer missing the sun, shopping malls and friends. I am used to sleeping 6 hours per night during weekdays. I plan to watch a lot of movies but only end up watching a couple. I have lost my passion for clubbing and partying (seriously!). alcohol is no longer a beverage of choice.

in a nutshell, I am BORING, BORING, BORING!

when the weekend arrives, I have 2 main goals. to catch up on sleep, and to complete whatever chores that I couldn't get done during the week. if I have the energy, I will catch up with friends and do some socializing. such a far cry from my heydays as a partying-socializing-animal.

any regrets??

some days, the answer is a resolute NO. some days, it's a hesitant YES.

at the end of it all, happiness is a choice. I am going to choose to be happy. I am thankful for all the blessings in life and whatever shit that comes, it's nothing more than a little bump in the road. at least there's comfort in knowing that no matter how bumpy the road is, the destination makes the journey worthwhile.

life has become nothing but a routine

2009-03-01T12:14:00.002+08:00

my daily schedule for mondays to fridays

6.30-6.50am : drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom

7.10-7.30am : get dressed (including last min ironing on some days)

7.30-8.45am : join the morning jam to get to work (sometimes I have breakfast in the car)

8.45am-5.45pm : work

5.45-7.15pm : work overtime (have only left work before 6pm 5 times since I started)

7.15-8.15pm : heavy traffic all the way back home

8.15-10.00pm : dinner time (either alone or with housemates, rarely with other friends)

10.00pm-12.00am : internet and getting ready for bed

12.00-6.30am : sleep

and the cycle repeats itself again and again...........and again..........and again...........

.......................and I'm bored. life is boring. the corporate lifestlye is boring.

had more fun in talent lab (despite it being a sucky company to work for) because of my colleagues and the fact that the job was easy.

what happened to partying and playing hard? what happened to "living on the fast lane?"

have I forgotten how to be a fun person despite having a full time job?

why am I aging before my time?

I need to remember how to be fun and young again................seriously. before it's too late and my youth is gone.

"youth is wasted on the young"

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

2009-02-08T17:53:00.003+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!!

the 15 days are coming to an end but do excuse me for my late post, been pretty exhausted now that I have a boring corporate job.

sad but true, the social butterfly is retiring earlier than planned thanks to her so-called career. every weekday, I come home exhausted, have a quick dinner (with housemates or alone) and just crash.

last friday, I was supposed to head out on friday night for some drinks with friends, but decided to take a nap (because I was too tired) and didn't get up til past 1am. charlz msged me, "did you died?" LOL. so much for attempting to have a social life.

well, this has been a pretty relaxing and fun weekend. charlz actually asked me out clubbing for both friday and sat night but I actually declined. WTF right? I dunno, I just don't feel energetic enough. was quite tempted to on friday but had already agreed to attend the cny "card games" party hosted by my housemate at my place.

anyways, cny is coming to a close and it's already feb 2009 and I have yet to step into a club. something is sooooo wrong. I have to club next week!

hope everyone's having a good cny so far.

working life is boring

2009-01-22T09:32:00.002+08:00

I am in the office right now feeling rather bored. was just reflecting on the past 2 and a half weeks and realised that the corporate world is rather boring. maybe I'm just not challenged enough. or maybe I am challenged in an area that does not interest me.

I have been put into an IT initiative, and close friends should know me well enough to know that I don't really give two shits about IT. I can use a computer, the internet, and that's enough for me. I am not interested at all to go deeper than what is necessary for me to function.

how inappropriate that I have been chosen to join such a boring initiative. whatever I am learning (and I am learning quite a lot) is not interesting to me and I can't see how it will help me grow in my career. and I'm stuck in this initiative until it ends in December. Lord help me!

I just feel like my strengths are not fully utilized, because I am doing something I am not good at, and also not interested in. my brain power is going towards trying to understand a bunch of IT stuff that pisses me off. I much rather use that to focus on something that I have an affinity towards.

oh well, can't be too picky since I'm a freshie.

anyways, I have nothing to do now. every morning, my team has to generate some data from excel and lucky me, I don't really contribute much to this. probably cos I am not as excel-savvy as my team mate.

really, I wish I was given a role that would be more challenging. I don't like just doing things that I am told or taught to do. I want to use my brains for more creative processes like problem solving.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2009-01-06T22:51:00.003+08:00

hey yo!!!

it's the new year!! 2009 is here and 2008 is nothing but a mere memory!!

WOW!!

can't believe it. new year...........new job...........hopefully a new me!!

it's been great so far. I'm so happy with my job (despite the first day of boringness) and things are looking up in other areas of my life.

all the drama and unhappiness of the second half of 2008 is gone and soon to be forgotten (I hope).

at the end of it all, 2008 was a great year for me. when I look at the positives, there were so many. I got to spend 6 weeks in cambodia, actually teaching english at an orphanage to kids who could barely speak a word of english. I got to travel for 4 weeks in europe with some of my bestest and craziest friends. I finally graduated!! I got my first real pay check, and then found myself unemployed. I met some really nice and cool ppl. I partied a lot more than I usually did. I went for zoukout. and now................I'm a management associate with malaysia's largest bank.

life is good and I'm happy. really happy. looking forward to becoming a workaholic again.

yes..............I'm out of that dark tunnel and the sun is shining brighter than it ever did. :D

merry christmas!!

2008-12-26T23:22:00.005+08:00

tis the season to be jolly!!~

I'm back in penang!! feeling absolutely happy to be in the comforts of home, and looking forward to spending more time with my old schoolmates. I'll only be around until next tues so I'll have to make the most of my time here. tomorrow, will be meeting up with a few old friends at bsim's sister's wedding.

anyways, here are the pics from xmas eve, which I celebrated at upstairs and cynna @ the loft, asian heritage row. it was a fun night but I was tired by 2am. getting old I think.

sooooo internet deprived

2008-12-24T16:47:00.002+08:00

for some reason, the internet in my place has not been working since sunday night. imagine how frustrating that must be for me, an internet addict.

the first thing I do in the morning is to use the internet and the last thing I do before bed is, no surprises, the internet.

I felt like dying last night when I switched on my laptop and the internet was still not working!!

I've been busy the past 2 days with a study skills workshop. was helping out by filming the workshop. it was a fun experience but a tiring one because work starts at 8am and ends after 7pm. to make matters worse, the full schedule meant that I had no time to go anywhere to use the internet.

imagine..............2 whole days without facebook, or my online game. no wonder I'm just so majorly pissy today. all I want to do is to get enough sleep and to use the internet. been getting up by 7am the past 2 mornings and it's taking a toll on me.

however, I couldn't get any peaceful sleep last nite and this morning, there were calls and msgs that kept disturbing me. then, the internet was still not working. by lunch time, I was feeling tired, pissy and then I had to stay home while the contractors fixed the grills. 1 hour plus of extremely loud drilling and banging. I was starving by then but couldnt get out of the house.

blah. I don't feel merry at all today. don't even have the mood to party tonight. will be driving so there's no way I can have more than 1 drink cos I'm sure the cops will be out tonight. I'm now in starbucks................feeling sleepy.

got to cut down on the booze

2008-12-19T03:01:00.003+08:00

I think my poor liver has had enough alcohol to last for the rest of next year. I've been drinking a few days a week, for the past few weeks, or should I say months?

I was supposed to cut down but...............being unemployed is really boring and puts me in a mood to drink and forget the fact that I was only employed for 3 months. oh well, at least I've secured a new and better job for next year. yes I have accepted an offer from a top local bank for the position of management associate. I will be starting work on the 5th of january!! yay!! no more boredom and endless clubbing/party nights.

2 weeks plus left to enjoy all this free time. on tuesday, I actually went for a college prom, HELP's annual psych ball. I know I'm no longer a college student but.............my excuse is that most of my close friends from HELP were going so it would have been fun to go, and true enough, it was a good night.

actually, the after prom party was a lot better. to be honest, I found the prom rather formal and boring in comparison to last year's. then again, I am bound to be biased because I was in the organizing committee for last year's prom.

this year's prom had better performances than last year's, with lecturers actually performing (definitely a hit with the students), a teenage beat boxing machine, and a series of dances. however, because so much time was dedicated to the performances, there wasn't really any crazy dancing going on, unlike last year when the dance floor was open for more than an hour, with clubbing music blasting away.

last year, there were some really funny moments, like when the boys had to serenade the female staff to win a prize, or when the girls had to dance with kokwui as a pole to win a prize. this year, there weren't really any funny moments like these. in fact, kokwui was pretty boring as an emcee. I remember him being funnier last year.

last year, there was no prom king and queen. this year, there was the mr and miss enchanted, which honestly, I don't really care about. one thing I liked about elvira's vision of prom is that she tried to make it less cliche than it usually is. of course, that would also mean that it appealed less to ppl.

this year, I have to admit the venue looked nicer. food-wise, can't really say because I barely ate during last year's prom. overall, I have to say that the committee did a great job with the prom, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. I would have prefered less formality and more craziness.

nevertheless, the after prom party was sooooo worth it. I knocked out early. dammit!! when intoxicated, I should NEVER EVER be allowed to lie down anywhere, especially a comfy bed!!

looking back (part 1)

2008-12-15T05:45:00.003+08:00

time never stops and here I am, in the last few weeks of 2008.

it's been a crazy year. 2008 flew by so fast that I didn't even realized how out of touch I have been with so many friends.

in fact, the past 4 years and 7 months have come and gone in a flash and now I am a young working adult. okay..........not working, in-between jobs. hehe.

I feel like summarizing my life since I relocated to KL in May 2004.

May 2004 - still 17 (birthday's in October) and fresh out of high school, I was so excited about moving to another place and starting a new chapter in my life. I moved into the on-campus hostel and got to know some of my closest friends, Christy (drummer girl) and Lallu (housemate).

August 2004 - a member of the UCSI student council, I had a hectic but fun student life. was making plans to move out of the hostel with friends. discovered the joys of clubbing. went to Pulau Redang.

September 2004 - my second sem in college. moved into an off-campus apartment with friends (including Lallu). I remember lepaking a lot during this sem. I barely studied. in fact, Zulfa (my good friend from Maldives) was always shocked when I occasionally opened my books for assignments.

October 2004 - turned 18!! found out that Zulfa and I had the same birthday. something else happened during this month that I shall not disclose here (it was mentioned in my old blog). went up to Genting for the Malaysian Idol Finale (thanks to Christy's friend). it was a great experience, seriously. got to know Nicky better thanks to this trip. will never forget how Christy and I started talking to him. totally random. and I actually found him cute when I first met him...........LOL!

December 2004 - went to Langkawi with my high school friends. tsunami on boxing day, I missed it by about 10 mins.

January 2005 - new year, new resolutions. I had a bunch of them listed on the old blog. 38 to be exact. CRAZY and STUPID. had already lost interest in the student council (some political crap) so I became a bigger bummer. lepak, chill, club, party, sleep, eat, movies.....................

February 2005 - first annual reunion during CNY with my high school friends. I moved into another apartment with other friends. the one I was staying in felt a bit too crowded.

March 2005 - first college prom. was a part of the organizing committee so it was an interesting experience. it also signified the end of my service in the student council. I made the decision not to serve on the new council because I was tired of all the politics.

April 2005 - the end of my foundation year in college. had made up my mind by then that I was sticking to psychology (no regrets). I couldn't wait to start taking psychology classes at that time because foundation was really boring. I had to take courses like accounting, computer studies, algebra, calculus, biology and many others that I did not like. went to Genting with a few friends, which resulted in a very dramatic end to a friendship. she up and left us early in the morning without warning. we woke up and she was gone. just like that.......................

May 2005- finally a first year student! was extremely excited and happy to be studying something that I actually liked. it was also the start of me taking my studies seriously. I used to skip classes a lot during foundation year.

June 2005 - a lot of changes started happening this month. a good close friend graduated, found a job, and started becoming distant. I started losing touch with another good close friend, due to my stupidity. it was a difficult month for me, in a personal way that I shall not disclose.

August 2005 - the former friend (who left halfway thru the Genting trip) and I started mending our broken friendship. I reached out to her through email, and I'm glad I did. she's a great person who's been through a lot and I'm glad I found it in me to forgive her and to ask for her forgiveness.

September 2005 - after slightly more than a year, things on the social front had changed quite drastically. the first bunch of close frens I had at college had dispersed and everyone was doing their own thing. I think this was the time that Christy and I started having our "movie dates". we would set a day in the week where we would go for movies together. that was how people started teasing us of being a couple (childish idiots............we're freaking straight!) went up to Genting for the Malaysian Idol Finale again. this time it was thanks to Nicky who actually auditioned, got to the 2nd round, forgot his lyrics and got booted. he was friends with the finalist and runner-up, Nita, so we got passes.

October 2005 - turned 19 and was extremely depressed about it. at that time, I was still hanging on to my teenage years and wanted to stay young. when I think about it now, I feel stupid.

December 2005 - the end of a very fun year. it was also the time that I decided that I was going to transfer to HELP. went for their Psychology Open Day, talked to Dr Goh and got the green light to transfer my credits.

okay. it's getting really late (or I should say early). I have no idea why I'm suffering from insomnia tonight. maybe it's the after-zoukout effect or something. will continue this post when I have more time.

Version 2.0!!

2008-12-15T05:25:00.001+08:00

okay...........I've been using the old blog for more than 4 years so I think it's time to move into another one!

truth is, there's not much changes. I'm using the same boring layout and everything is pretty much the same. the real reason why I'm moving to this blog is because some of the older posts in the other blog is rather old and well............let's just say we should leave them buried in the past. therefore, future posts will be here and I've published all the "safe to read" posts from the previous blog here.

party pics

2008-12-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

here are the pictures from the party sessions in the past few weeks.

first up are from Amirah's birthday celebrations at Peninsula Damansara Residences, we left around 3am because the cops were apparently coming *raises eyebrows*. continued partying for a bit at my place, but I chased everyone out by 4.30am cos I was sooooo sleepy.

the birthday girl totally drunk by the time we got there about 2am.

the birthday girl can't remember that I took a pic with her!

wei hoe, my drunken bitch, was dancing around my living room in the dark, wearing those shades!! what the hell??

my ex-colleagues from the talent lab..........miss those guys

afeef trying to be a pimp daddy

honestly, I am so glad I met the people from talent lab (3 great months........no regrets)

the following pictures are from Charllene's birthday celebrations. we went for the re-launch of Al's at Asian Heritage Row, then followed up with some partying at Upstairs @ The Loft.

Charllene (birthday girl), our bitch (Wei Hoe) and myself

table mates while we were still working at Talent Lab. the lady on the far right is my ex-manager, really cool and fun individual. only poor Wei Hoe is left in the company. the rest of us left to pursue greener pastures.

the theme was gangsters and molls so we were trying to look gangsta!

now that she's no longer his manager, he can show his true feelings. LOL.

my old clubbing buddy from 4 and a half years ago.

proud to be from penang

too much partying

2008-12-04T12:19:00.000+08:00

okay.............so I'm not feeling as bored as before. have gotten used to this empty and laid back lifestyle. still getting up in the mornings before 10am. it's a good habit so I'll stick to it

meanwhile, what have I been doing to pass the time?

chilling and catching up with frens, walking the dogs for my brother, partying, reading, stupid facebook games, texas hold em, chatting on msn and facebook, and pretty much nothing useful. hahaha.

I'm a professional bum. and I've been partying too much. can't help it though, there's been good reasons to party and drink more alco. coming soon.................all the party pics from last weekend and last nite.

lsat friday, went to Stylo X, followed by Amirah's birthday party. last night, relaunch of Al's at Asian Heritage Row, followed by clubbing at Upstairs The Loft to celebrate Charllene's birthday.

saturday night at zouk

2008-11-24T04:38:00.000+08:00

last night, went to party at velvet (currently known as Future i think), zouk. it was crazily packed. so packed until they had to stop ppl from entering.

the night started out quite crappy but by the end of the night, it was fun fun fun! there's something about zouk that attracts a better looking crowd. seriously..............even my friends agreed that the ppl there were generally better looking than the ppl in the other clubs that we normally go to.

so anyways, here are some pics from last night. some left early so the pics are only of those who stayed til the end.

the bad picture quality is because I took the pictures with my cameraphone. hehehe. can't wait to party at zouk again!

last sunday

2008-11-23T11:47:00.000+08:00

deciding that we were so bored with the usual city activities (shopping, lepaking at malls, clubbing, watching movies), we agreed to go for a picnic instead.

of course, I didn't expect the "picnic" to actually be a trip to sg gabai for some swimming in the waterfall. I thought we were headed to some nice park to sit on the grass and chill..............oh well, I didn't end up in the water because I just don't wanna swim in a river/waterfall, but it was still a fun little roadtrip.

next time around, I'm gonna force everyone to go to kuala kubu baru for white water rafting!

some pics from last sunday.

Lallu and I were the only 2 who didn't want to get wet, so we cam-whored. just the 2 of us.............it was fun though. hehehe.

latest updates

2008-11-19T02:35:00.000+08:00

gotta get back into the blogging mood.

anyways, here's the latest on my life:

1) I made a very important decision last week. I am currently unemployed again, 3 months after I got that so-called amazing job.

2) I am looking forward to the next phase of my career. I am back to my old game plan and I honestly feel that this is the best decision I've made in terms of my career.

3) I am trying to fill my free time with positive activities. Going to focus on my filming again.

4) I moved into Sterling Condominium a month ago. Really lovely place. No regrets.

5) I am catching up on tv series and movies.

6) I have been clubbing a lot the past 3 months and have decided that it's time to cut down on the partying.

7) "I remember being 16 and everything just seemed so much easier" - Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill

can't find the words

2008-11-10T14:21:00.000+08:00

it's so hard to express what I have in my mind. I've been finding it so hard to put into words the feelings and thoughts that are going through my mind hence the lack of updates.

this is a difficult time in my life. I know it seems like I have it all. the awesome job, the fun colleagues, the party lifestyle..................but something is just not right somewhere.

did I choose the wrong career path? money isn't everything................after spending 6 weeks in cambodia, I should know better.

so many questions running through my head right now. I hate it when I don't have the answers to everything. I hate it when everything that seemed so right seems so wrong right now. and I hate it even more when I can't say a word to anyone around me.

I know this is just another phase in my life that I will get through.

I'm 22 years old

2008-10-19T15:23:00.000+08:00

I turned 22 years old a week ago......................

seriously, I'm losing my interest in blogging. I'm just too tired from my everyday life to take a few mins off each day to blog.

my 22nd birthday was good. the celebrations started earlier on friday night when I was out with my colleagues at Poppy. my face was pushed into a slice of cake...................

then on saturday night, I was out in Ampang for shisha, followed by some foosball and pool at Asia Cafe. just a chilled out night but a good one.

edit*

forgot to finish up this post and publish it. will do that now since I am so free. here are the pics from the nite at Poppy.

it's been 4 years

2008-10-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

I left high school more than 4 years ago................while watching the season 5 opener for one tree hill, it hit me how much has changed in the past 4 years.

I could totally relate to the series, where the main cast is reuniting after 4 years spent apart. of course, my real life isn't as dramatic as the series, but it feels like I can understand how some of the characters feel. I also like what lucas said, "things have changed in 4 years, but in many ways, this is just the beginning".

I feel that so much has changed the last 4 years. not just me as a person, but my life, my goals, and the people around me. I have a lot of the same friends, but my closest circle has definitely changed. a few have stayed close, but most have moved in a different direction. 4 years ago, I wasn't as sure of myself as I am now. 4 years ago, I was looking for all the wrong things in all the wrong places. 4 years ago, I made some wrong decisions that will forever haunt me. 4 years ago, high school seemed like it was just yesterday.

today, high school seems like a long time ago and I've stopped missing it. of course, there are times we reminisce about the good old days.................but those days are mostly lost in the buzz of my everyday life, where all I think about is my job, my new condo, my credit card bills, my next clubbing session, the next guy I'm gonna date, the children I'm gonna have in 5 years' time and in short, the future.

this is still the beginning of life...............and there's so much more waiting for me.

the past 4 years were awesome. and the 18 years before that were just as great. I try to hold on to my past, the past 22 years of my life, but I feel them slipping away. I just need to accept, this is only the beginning, and more changes are bound to come. another 4 years down the road, who knows where I will be?

pictures from the european escapade

2008-10-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

finally, I've decided that this blog could use some pictures to spice it up a little. it's been so dead for the past half year.

anyways, I intend to post up more pics about the european escapade in the other blog so I'll only be posting a few of my faves here. in fact, the pics I'm posting here are from other cameras.

finally a break!!

2008-09-30T00:07:00.000+08:00

I'm off for this whole week!!

so glad to finally have some time to myself and to relax...............I've been working so much in the past 6 weeks that it feels as though I've been working non-stop for 3 months! sometimes, I don't realize how recent it was that I was an unemployed graduate.

anyway, I love my job despite the stress and high expectations that comes with it. I'm working with a great team of people and it's fun everyday.

I've also been partying quite a bit. since I started work, I've been partying almost every weekend with the exception of one weekend. last Friday, I was at Poppy with a few colleagues and my UCSI bunch of frens. one of my best party nights ever. I'm looking forward to partying at Poppy's again.

this whole work hard, party hard lifestyle is what I had always envisioned myself living when I finally leave college. of course, I also envisioned myself flying off to different countries for relaxing holidays. that is the part that has yet to materialize...................gotta use the secret a bit more. hehe.

in short, I welcome this few days of relaxation. will be heading back to penang this coming weekend before the crazy rush of work starts again next week. meanwhile, I'm taking these few days to settle all my loose ends, such as finding a place to move into, collecting my new IC, getting the house cleaned, sending my shirts to the launderers and etc.......................

oh yes..............sad news...............my beautiful Sterling Condominium is slowly slipping away. the hunt for a 4th housemate has proven more challenging than we thought and with time running short, we are now resigned to looking for other options.

no surprises, I'm fucking pissed about the house situation and can't believe that I have yet to move out of subang!!!

but I'm not gonna let that little issue get in the way of my holiday..............I'm probably gonna head out tomorrow night for some karaoke.

anyone interested in clubbing on wed nite???

I am missing me.........

2008-09-23T22:20:00.000+08:00

sometimes, we change drastically in a short period of time. sometimes, we're not ready for the changes that come our way.

I've always loved myself the way I am, but lately, I feel that a part of me is missing and I miss that part a lot.

it's hard to elaborate here but I just feel like expressing some of my thoughts. as always, I will leave things unexplained simply because I don't like opening up my innermost thoughts to possible random strangers who might stumble across this little cyberspace of mine.

busy busy busy

2008-09-22T00:47:00.000+08:00

I am busy.

and this blog will have to be neglected until I get used to the 12-hours-a-day working life that I am currently leading.

ok..............I don't work 12 hours every day but on average, 4 days a week. include the 7-8 hours that I work on saturday and you get an average of 65 hours a week.

I know that's crazy. I'm not really a workaholic. there's just so much to do and I want to finish up my projects as soon as possible.

I do still have a social life. of course, it's limited to my weekends. because I work so much on weekdays and I spend my weekends catching up with friends, it leaves me with no time to watch any tv or to do much housework.

but..............I am really fulfilled and happy with my current lifestyle. no regrets. I enjoy working and I am looking forward to moving into my new condo!

found the perfect place!!

2008-09-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

I am so excited about moving out of subang!! finally!!

this weekend, if all goes as planned, I will be out of the house that's been making me miserable (ocassionally) into my so-called dream condo.

Lallu and I stumbled upon the place this evening while we were driving around the KJ and damansara areas looking for potential places to move into. anyways, the 3 of us have decided that we want to move into that condo. there are available units for rent, we just need to work out the finances and make a decision.

I tell you..............the pool area is soooo nice and awesome! I like the landscaping a lot. it's simple yet modernistic and just.................cool. I can't find the words to explain it. it's not super high-end or a luxury condo (of course), but it suits us and our young professionals' image. hehehe.

I am so excited I can't wait to move into that place. I'm getting tired of subang because it's away from my comfort zone and also a little far off from my usual hang out spots. not that subang isn't a nice place................it's just that the house I'm living in is far from my ideal home (no offense to my parents, I still love them to bits for providing me with a place to stay).

okay.............I've been extremely busy hence the lack of blogging. I work late almost every night and I'm just so exhausted when I come home that I can't find the brain power to create sentences.

in fact, I'm really tired now but I have some research work to do. hopefull I'll be able to head to bed in 2 hours' time.

working and partying

2008-08-31T19:39:00.000+08:00

that's my life for the moment.

I work a lot..............and I party any chance I get. LOL.

I don't think anyone's surprised.

I know I'm not.

workaholic

2008-08-26T01:13:00.000+08:00

I'm becoming one................seriously.

last Friday, I worked until 10 something.

on Saturday, I worked from 10am til 6pm.

tonight, I worked until 10.45pm.

I love my job. really, I do. it's been fun, tiring, challenging, interesting, boring, and a whole lot more. despite working so much during my first week, I feel that it is worth it and I am satisfied. really, life is really good right now.

I get up every morning feeling happy and contended, and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

currently enjoying my holiday

2008-08-02T14:02:00.000+08:00

greetings from Paris!!

I am currently in my 3rd week of the European Escapade! the past 2 weeks and a half has been fun fun fun and a little bit stressful every now and then.

have been blogging a little at my other blog so this has been neglected once again. blogging will resume like normal once I'm back on Malaysian soil. meanwhile, head on over to http://botakbraces-europe.blogspot.com
if you want to know what I've been up to.

not enjoying life in kl

2008-07-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

I got into a minor accident today................*&^#$^*!!!

I crashed into the back of some car, causing minimal damage to it but my poor wira (who's clearly seen better days) is not in very good condition. the good thing is I don't think there was any internal damage. nevertheless, it's gonna cost a lil bit and now that I'm no longer a student, I have to pay for the repairs. btw, I don't have a confirmed job yet, just a bunch of job interviews to attend.

no insurance cos it's an old car and the insurance only covers for 3rd party.

it's kinda depressing..............the past 2 years I've been driving in KL, this has not happened. I've always been relatively careful and am not the type to speed (only in rare cases when I'm really rushing). I really have no idea how I got this careless. it's like I went to cambodia, came back a different person, and now my driving skills have suffered as well.

the one thing about KL that I used to be ok with (the stupid traffic) is now really getting on my nerves. since coming back, I've found myself really irritated at the amount of time it takes to travel around KL and its surrounding cities. I feel like I'm wasting a part of my life away in traffic jams. of course, today I had no choice because I was headed to the city for a job interview. which I missed thanks to the accident.

now I know how it feels like to be the cause of an accident (despite it being a relatively minor one). it feels like shit knowing that you're parting with a neat sum of money due to carelessness that should and could have been avoided.

I'm pissed with myself.........and even more pissed that I'm choosing to live in this city.

...............................and the day was going pretty well. my morning interview went pretty ok, I had talked to my ex-boss and he was interested in giving me a job. I was off to another interview and was totally feeling confident, when *crash*, all my positive emotions went out the window (along with God knows how much cash).

I'm sending my car to the mechanics tomorrow for repairs. for now, I will have to rely on the public transport system to get me to my 2 interviews tomorrow. I hope I'll be in the right frame of mind come tomorrow morning.

back in malaysia

2008-07-02T12:05:00.000+08:00

I'm back home. in penang right now......................will be here for a few days to just relax and catch up with friends.

then, it's back to kl, hopefully for a few job interviews and then I'm off to europe for a holiday.

I'm so excited. I bet you can tell I'm just so excited from this post. *sarcasm dripping*

my goodness, I'm gonna be spending so much money on this 4 week holiday and I'm so not excited about it.............I need to get over this missing-cambodia-phase and get excited about spending 4 weeks in europe with friends.

the other blog

2008-05-30T14:45:00.000+08:00

I've been blogging more often at the other blog. probably won't be updating this one until I'm back in Malaysia.

http://botakbraces-cambodia.blogspot.com

btw, it's confirmed that I will be back on Msian soil on the 30th of June.

OMG!!!!

2008-05-24T12:41:00.000+08:00

THEY HAVE RTM 1 HERE IN CAMBODIA!!

I just turned on the tv and was flipping through the channels and suddenly, there's RTM 1 on the tv screen. LOL.

oh! there's TV3 as well. hahaha. not bad............cambodians get a taste of malaysian tv.

despite watching some tv yesterday, I didn't come across those channels because I stopped at MTV China and the msian channels came after that.

how weird.........watching malaysian tv in cambodia.

CHAMPIONS!!

2008-05-22T06:00:00.000+08:00

MANCHESTER UNITED ARE THE BEST IN EUROPE!! NOW IT'S TIME TO CONQUER THE REST OF THE WORLD!!

cristiano ronaldo is still so sexy despite missing the penalty..............

thanks for all the well wishes

2008-05-21T21:03:00.000+08:00

I'm in Siem Reap!!

hence the lack of updates. I've been here since monday morning and it's been a blast so far.

havent found the time to blog in detail about my experiences so far but I will this weekend. not in this blog though.......I have another one solely focused on my cambodian adventure.

btw, thanks to everyone who wished me well. I will take care of myself and I will return to Malaysia in better condition than before. I hope everyone is doing well wherever you are. I'm reachable by cell phone and the internet so stay in touch!!

and to those who I haven't found the time to contact in a long while, sorry and I will make the time once I'm back!

btw, I'm no longer a student!! woo hoo!!!

champions league final tonite!! GO MAN UTD!!

it's confirmed!

2008-05-14T12:06:00.000+08:00

I will be leaving for cambodia next monday!

first stop, siem reap for a 5 day vacation with christy! pam and linda might join us, but nothing's confirmed for now.

from siem reap, I will take a bus to phnom penh to begin my volunteer work. I will be there until 30th june, unless the cambodian immigration dept decides that I should leave after my 30 days is up.

anyways, I will be busy these few days just moving to subang and meeting up with everyone. I've received quite a number of well wishes and I really appreciate it.

don't worry guys, I will be back ALIVE and in one piece!!

anyone wanna meet up, call me!

saying goodbye

2008-05-13T01:55:00.000+08:00

it's never easy. even when it's saying goodbye to a room. I'm gonna miss my room here at bayu puteri.....................

my housemates of 2 years, xinch n bsim, sprang a surprise and bought me a farewell gift. damn paiseh nia. i'm just moving out of the house!! not even leaving the country or state..............but I really appreciate it because they got me a chess set. the kind that I've been eyeing but never bothered to buy because I don't have my own proper place to display it. I'm seriously considering bringing it along to Cambodia to play with strangers or something. haha.

but due to the already huge amount of things I'm gonna have to bring, I doubt I can fit it in. well, looks like the 2 years of living together paid off. it's deffo one of my fave presents ever! I doubt many of my friends know that I actually do enjoy a lil bit of chess every now and then and aspire to collect chess sets in the future.

well, this is it. my last nite in my bayu puteri room. I'm gonna treasure my last few hours here.

new blog for cambodia

2008-05-13T00:45:00.000+08:00

I've started a new blog to focus on my time in cambodia. at the moment, everything looks set for me to board that plane on wed afternoon. anyone coming to see me off at the airport?? LOL.

anyways, I'm feeling very emo about this whole trip. I'm excited, anxious, worried, happy, scared, and a whole load of other emotions that I can't describe.

so much has happened in the past 3 days. Rock Up! was a success and is finally over. I'm done with my thesis and defense, and can consider myself a graduate. I'm finally getting ready to leave for Cambodia, my first time alone in a foreign country, and a dangerous one as well. I'm moving out for good from my current apartment tomorrow.................my home of 2 years, and definitely the most comfortable home I've had in KL.

I'm gonna miss everything about the last chapter in my life. I'm gonna miss being a student. today, hearing my ex-coursemates talking about college made me feel................old. hahaha. of course I'm proud to be the first Bpsycher to finish her studies. but it feels strange not having college to look forward to.

while everyone is living in the comforts of home and having normal secure lives, I will be venturing alone into a foreign country in an attempt to do something I've always felt strongly about. this trip is important to me for a few reasons which I will elaborate in the other blog.

here's the link: http://botakbraces-cambodia.blogspot.com

a few more days

2008-05-11T06:42:00.000+08:00

and I will be off to cambodia!! right now, I'm too tired to really feel excited. not to mention, there's some things I haven't had time to settle. hopefully, everything goes well and I get to go as planned. I've already bought my flight ticket so I really should be going.

anyway, quite a few people seem to think that me going to cambodia is like me leaving this world or something. I know cambodia's not the safest place around, but really, there's no need to make one feel like one is on deathrow or something. I will be back, and I will be back in 6 weeks. possibly sooner in fact.

ok. I'm feeling lazy now. had quite a few things on my mind but I'm gonna save it for now. too tired.............went clubbing at china white, which is pretty much like sugar (its predecessor). it was okay...............I think I'm a lil bored with rnb/hip hop.

we did it!!

2008-05-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

it's finally over!! Rock Up! 2008 was a success!! we surpassed our targetted RM40, 000!!! what an achievement for a group of college students who's only event management experience came from organizing college/school events.

I am beyond exhausted. I have no idea how I survived on 1 hour of sleep with no coffee to help. after 10 hours of peaceful slumber, I feel too happy to go back to bed now (though I think I should). I'm starving from the lack of dinner or supper yesterday night. there was simply just no time for eating. I did manage a 10 min lunch though. hehe.

a big thank you goes out to everyone who made this event a success. okay, here goes my list of thank-yous.

to bsim, a big thanks for coming in halfway and helping us save our event. I apologize for my inability to help out as much as I would like to when I was so busy with my assignments. I'm also thankful for your understanding and for you not pressuring me to screw up my studies for this event. I know it's been hard for you, trying to make everything happen without a vice that was able to commit completely, and I hope that in the end (after my assignments were done), I did manage to redeem myself. hehe.

to ainul, shazlin, menglin, diane, adeline and all the later additions to the team. thank you for coming in when we desperately needed help, for striving on with us in making this event a success, for all your endless hours of hard work and dedication. I know it hasn't been easy for you guys, especially some of you who have never done what you had to do. but...............you guys did an amazing job and I am thankful for having you guys in the team.

to christy, pam and xinch (the original founding team), thank you for staying on in the team and contributing to the best of your ability. after almost 8 months, we did it !!! (with the help of a lot of people of course).

this event started as an idea by the rhythm rascals, which is a group of young adults who want to use music as a medium to reach out to underprivileged children. from visiting agathians shelter on weekends to this event............wow! it's been an incredible journey and I'm glad to have been a part of rhythm rascals.

to all the bands/performers/celebrities- thank you so much for giving us your time and support by showing up at our event and making it a fun and entertaining show. not to mention, helping to raise a whole lot of cash for agathians shelter! the bands/performers shouldered on despite the lousy sound conditions and the celebrities were extremely helpful and nice. a lot of them made it for our event despite having tight schedules and for that, I thank you.

to all the volunteers- thanks for giving up your whole day to help us make this event a success. I know it was an exhausting day for many of you, as we totally worked you guys to death. a big shout out goes to leonard, our sound engineer for the event. he was there the night before until 3.30am, and he was back again at 7am in the morning. he didn't have time for lunch and dinner, and he had to put up with a lot of shit (there were complaints that we were too loud). not to mention, the sound system setup wasn't the most ideal so it was really stressful for him. yet, he did it free of charge and even found us all the extra equipment we needed at the last minute. to all the volunteers, if I ever actly rudely or angrily towards you, I sincerely apologize. I have a temper and if things don't work out as planned when I'm under stress, I go into super-pissy mode.

to everyone who came and supported the event- thank you for contributing to the agathians shelter building fund. I was told by one of the home's committee members that this RM40, 000 will enable them to begin preliminary work on building their new home. even though they have yet to raise enough to pay for the whole home, at least they have enough to start on a project that they've been waiting a couple of years to start. and hopefully, the publicity from this event will get more people interested in helping their cause.

*sigh*

it's a nice feeling to know that so many other young adults out there are willing to help out for a good cause. I'm so glad to know that most of my friends fall into that category. this whole event has been a great learning experience. there were ups, there were downs, there were times when I felt like I could kill somebody, there were times I felt lost and helpless and there were many nights when I couldn't sleep because of the stress. but at the end of it all, I'm glad that I survived it and better yet, achieved the target we set.

the emotions I felt when this event was over was so overwhelming that I had to struggle to keep in the tears of joy. the kids had a great time at the event and the connection we've made with them makes it all the more special and meaningful. to a certain extend, they were like younger brothers that we felt we had to help take care of. knowing that I can help improve the lives of underprivilege children and that they are as fond of us as we are of them, brings even more tears to my eyes.

it gives me hope that we will see a better future for the world. it gives me hope that someday, we will be able to stamp out poverty, disease and all the shit that we have in the world. it takes a long time and a lot of effort, but by taking this first step, I have done a little bit to help make this world a better place by giving 30 children a chance for a better life in a better home.

however, the work isn't done yet. while this accomplishment means a lot, it would mean nothing if at the end of the day, the home still doesn't manage to raise enough money to begin the project. therefore, a part of me is saying, we need to have another big event to raise more money and awareness!! another part of me is saying, take a break and look after yourself.

I really think that I'm in a pretty unhealthy state right now. I've always been thin (and some say skinny) and underweight but recently, there's been people telling me that I look even thinner than before. I was almost like a bag of bones before this, how much thinner can I get? it's a little worrying because my ex-lecturer who I have not seen since last nov/dec, said I looked thinner after he saw me last nite.

if I lose anymore weight, I'm gonna start looking really anorexic!! and some people have already said that I can pass off as that. I certainly hope they were joking...........I've been missing so many meals lately because of all the assignments, finals, thesis and the event. with so much to do and so little time, my sleeping hours have become very irregular and that has affected me eating as well. sometimes, I sleep from 6pm to 10pm, get up and do some work and because it's so late and the only food available is 24hours fast food/mamak, I sometimes just snack on some junk and head back to bed. I have not cooked all year because there's simply no time to even go grocery shopping.

I'm leaving for cambodia next week. I need to really put on some weight before I go. I have no idea if the food there suits me. I don't want to come back from cambodia malnourished or something. LOL.

okay, now that this event is over and I'm no longer a student, I'm going to be healthy! I'm gonna eat well, sleep well, and exercise!!

my legs are aching though.............I could barely walk by the end of last night. however, I'm in a mood to party so I wanna head out tonight and drink!!

today..........

2008-05-08T05:01:00.000+08:00

today is someone's birthday...............a wonderful person who brought light to the lives of the people who knew her. a great individual who was loved by all who knew her.

today...............she would have been celebrating her 21st................maybe a fancy dinner with friends, maybe a night out on the town, maybe a romantic date for two, maybe a little party with her loved ones.

but no................she won't be doing any of the above because she's celebrating it in an unconventional way...........for she is somewhere other than earth, someplace we call..........heaven. and I know she's having a good time. because it's her birthday, and she can feel all the love and hear all the wishes from the loved ones she left behind.

dear nian ning, whatever you are doing to celebrate your 21st birthday, know that you are missed and you are remembered..............always.

have a great 21st birthday!!

every now and then when I'm driving alone, thoughts about you would come crashing in without warning.............and I find myself unable to think about anything else. automatically, my speed decreases and I become more alert while driving. somehow I feel that you are up there, looking out for us and when I get careless with my driving and speed, you remind me that I need to slow down and focus, because it's just not worth it to risk one's life for that extra 5 minutes.

the other day at fraser's while we were bbq-ing, I suddenly remembered how I was given a half-cooked chicken wing by a junior during one of our GGA camps. suddenly, I realised that that junior was you.............I remembered how we had a good laugh about it and joked that you were deliberately doing that to me because I was a mean patrol leader............if I ever was, I apologize and to tell you the truth, getting to know you through guiding has meant a lot to me.

1 week and counting

2008-05-02T04:17:00.000+08:00

7 more days to go and then it's time to ROCK UP!!

please take the time and effort to show up, and do what you can for these children. you can help by

a) giving a donation at one of our booths. large donations (we're talking hundreds and thousands) are eligible for tax exemption receipts.

b) buying raffle tickets. the money you pay for the tickets goes to the home, and you stand a chance to win some fabulous prizes! sounds like a sweet deal, ain't it? only RM5 per ticket.

c) buying t-shirts. they're priced at RM25 each, they're designed specially for this event (you won't get them anywhere else), there's only about 300 hundred available, and they're for a good cause.

hope to see you guys there!

one night in fraser's hill

2008-04-25T00:34:00.000+08:00

the collection of "one nights" is increasing and adding to the list is the fraser's hill edition.

previous editions include one night in bayu puteri 1 & 2, and one night in langkawi.

this edition is rather messy though. the filming was poorly done, lots of shaking and blurness, not sure what was going on in the film. however, it's a good thing because I was so embarassing that nite. I'm glad that the footage is so messy that it'll be hard to make sense of what's going on. hehehe. not that I'm planning on letting anyone see the footage of my embarassing moments. hehe.

anyways, the trip to fraser's was fun fun fun. I think it may have been one of my most embarassing drunken sessions. nevertheless, I had a good time and it's good to finally see my coursemates let loose a little. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate the end of my final ever exams at HELP as an undergraduate student.

yes people!! yours truly is only ONE STEP away from GRADUATING!!! after I hand in my thesis on the 6th of May and have my defense on the 12th of May, I AM A GRADUATE!!! WOO HOO!!! am so looking forward to that day. of course, now the real work begins and I have to work on my thesis. I feel so lazy...................and there's the event to keep my occupied.

okay. I'm done blogging for now. I'm currently back in lovely ol' penang island for some relaxing and thesis time. arrived by plane earlier today. will be heading back to kl by next tuesday though. got the event and my thesis. would find it hard to do any work in the comforts of home.

old boyband songs

2008-04-16T02:01:00.000+08:00

every now and then I still take out my boyband cds and listen to the songs that defined my adolescence. was listening to A1 and this song came on and suddenly, it just clicked. the words say it all..............too bad I didn't remember this song way back when it would have made so much sense.

Cherish This Love -A1

Sorry for making you cry
For turning away
As you walk on by
But baby I need to be strong
And I need to move on with my life
You know it's not that I don't care
So don't make me feel bad
It's not fair
Baby you know all the reasons
I made my decisions in life
Now a girl's gotta dowhat a girl's gotta do
And a boy has to become a man
And I'm sorry for saying
But it's love that I need
And that love I just can't get from you

It's funny how things turn around
One day I am lost
Then I'm found
It happened so fast
I knew it would last
From the first time I first looked in your eyes
Although it's so soon this I know
I'll never be on my own
Dreams turn to tears
She buries my fears
And I will cherish this love ever more

You know it's not easy to do
Turning my back on me and you
But baby I need someone there
Who will love me and care for my life
Smiles they turned into tears
And all of my dreams
They all disappeared
Baby this cannot be right
So I'll turn down the light
On our love
Now a boy's gotta do
What a boy's gotta do
And a girl has to do what she can
And I'm sorry for saying
But it's love that I need
And that love I just can't get from you

It's funny how things turn around
One day I am lost
Then I'm found
It happened so fast
I knew it would last
From the first time I first looked in your eyes
Although it's so soon this I know
I'll never be on my own
Dreams turn to tears
She buries my fears
And I will cherish this love ever more

And everything that could gone wrong
Has gone wrong at some time
Now I can see the light
It was love at first sight
And I'm not gonna let this girl go

It's funny how things turn around
One day I am lost
Then I'm found
It happened so fast
I knew it would last
From the first time I first looked in your eyes
Although it's so soon this I know
I'll never be on my own
Dreams turn to tears
She buries my fears
And I will cherish this love ever more
Yes I Will
With you

thank you for everything.

neglected blog........oh yeah, I saw celine dion!

2008-04-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

this poor baby of mine has been pretty neglected in the past few months. I used to blog more frequently and my blog posts used to sound happier. now, it's really boring and I don't even blog much about my life. I think my recent posts are more on my thoughts and opinions, including my endless complaints about my workload.

oh well, I think I've become a boring person in 2008. I've allowed myself to grow "older" than I would prefer. I think a large part of it had to do with my impending graduation and the fundraising event.

the event is starting to look good. things are falling into place and a few of the essentials have been taken care of. a lot of credit goes to the chairperson (bsim) for managing to accomplish so much in such a short time. I think we only actively began preparations 6-7 weeks ago. I know for a fact that this event would never happen if it weren't for her managing to put together a team and getting that team to work.

ok. I think I should get back to studying. time's running out and my finals begin this wednesday. I really can't think of anything to blog about. not much as been happening in my life.

wait a minute. I just realized that I forgot to blog about the celine dion concert I went to yesterday! hahaha. well, thanks to nicky I got to see her concert and it was a great experience. her singing was *speechless*. she performed most of her big hits in the first half of the concert so the 2nd half was a bit boring for me. nevertheless, I enjoyed the experience and I have a few videos to share which I will once I have time to upload them on youtube.

now, I'm gonna head off to study. been finding it hard to concentrate.

last one ever

2008-04-10T02:09:00.000+08:00

last class at HELP. can't believe that I've attended my last ever class for my undergraduate degree.

seemed like just yesterday that I was attending my first class (intro to calculus) at UCSI (cliche but true).

I can still remember that day, almost 4 years ago. I was young and excited bout uni life. unfortunately, my first class was disappointing, because the campus was new and a major mess. the classroom was dusty, the chairs were still covered with plastic, and the air conditioning wasn't working. so the lecturer (whom I can remember very well) let us go after 10 mins.

today, my last ever class ended early as well. *sigh* and here comes the ending of this chapter of my life. another 2 weeks, and I will be done with exams. then it's really down to my thesis and defense.

tomorrow, I'll be heading to the bank to settle my cambodia trip fees. in another month or so, I will be leaving the country for a place I've longed to visit and to start a new phase in my life. I will no longer be a student, but a young adult who's out to finally live and achieve her dreams. I am seriously excited for the future.

I'm not worried bout the responsibilities that comes with being a working adult, because I'm so glad to be able to finally be taking the first step towards accomplishing my goals in life. yes, I will be a mother in 3 years time. hahaha.

looking towards the future puts me in a positive mood because I shamelessly foresee a bright future for myself. hopefully this positivity will carry me through the next 3 months as I face the final hurdle in my degree, the final 4 weeks leading to the event, and 6 weeks in cambodia.

all alone in a foreign country, doing something I love. what better way to relax and to rejuvenate myself for the long career path ahead?

never thought the day would finally come when I would be able to say that I am done with classes in uni. I always thought that I would feel sad but surprisingly enough, I don't feel much. and I wonder..............have I really learned enough in the past 4 years to face the working world? well, I guess we'll find out when I finally start working in mid august. anyone got a job to offer to me? I promise that I'm a driven and ambitious person who would go to great lengths to achieve my goals.

notice how I don't use the word hardworking in that sentence? haha. I recognize that most employers would love to hire hardworking people, but I dare not call myself that. I believe that I am only hardworking when I want to, or when I have a very good reason to. I would never be hardworking for no reason or no gain so I'm naturally not a hardworking person. however, I also believe that being hardworking is overrated. one should work smart, not hard.

ROCK UP!

2008-04-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

COME AND ROCK UP WITH US! MUSIC TO CHANGE............

9TH MAY, 2008

THE CURVE, CONCOURSE AREA

LIVE PERFORMANCES!!

CELEBRITY FASHION SHOW!!

RAFFLE DRAW PRIZES!!

-more updates to come

some ppl just don't understand

2008-03-31T22:33:00.000+08:00

it's not that they aren't capable of understanding, they just don't try.............and it's sad. I hope I have not been this way for too many times because if I have, I apologize.

on to another topic. I know I'm lucky but it takes stories like THESE to make me really appreciate my luck. life's been easy and good for me. I know that and I appreciate everything I have.

I don't have to worry about money. I don't have to worry bout not having food to eat (I don't even need to survive on instant noodles) or a roof over my head. I don't have to worry bout not being able to pay my school fees. because my dad is the best when it comes to financial planning (I'm obviously biased) and he's planned his retirement to perfection (almost).

I'm lucky to have a parent who worked hard and saved even harder to ensure that life is good and comfortable for me and the rest of his family. I've never had a hard moment in my 21 years of existence. I can't say I've lived in luxury all my life, but money was never a problem and life has been good. I can't complain. I'm a lot luckier than so many ppl in this country and world.

and I'm going to cambodia and europe in the next few months. daddy's paying for now, but it's a loan so I have to pay back. at least I get an interest-free loan with unlimited (kinda) time. not many ppl can get that.

I only pay RM7.20 per US gallon for petrol. ppl in the US pay RM10.40 per US gallon. I save 1 US dollar per gallon. that's not too bad. I'm definitely not complaining about the petrol price in msia even though petrol is costing me quite a bit.

I think we're pretty luck with the petrol price we're paying. it's true that our country has tons of petroleum (for now) but it doesn't mean we should be getting dirt cheap prices. after all, the petrol companies are in business to make a profit and not do pro-bono.

I'm also a lil worried bout the economic slowdown in the states. how is it going to affect the rest of the world? I had plans to make a living there. I'm seriously reconsidering now.

for now, I'm gonna spend a few minutes appreciating all the great things about my life and smile to myself. I'm also gonna thank the forces (I'm agnostic hence the ambiguity) that have given me so much in life. and most of all, I thank my parents. for being who they are and for giving me so much to be thankful for. life is not perfect but it sure is beautiful..........

it's over

2008-03-30T02:11:00.000+08:00

my last ever colloquium in HELP..............bittersweet.

my 2 years experience here has been an enlightening one. I've learnt a lot more than I would have had I stayed behind at my old uni (no offense intended).

I'm glad it's over yet, I know I'm gonna miss it. this part of college life is irreplaceable. group assignments have taught me a lot (I ran this research alone though) and given me plenty of memories. I've met a lot of ppl who I would definitely want to keep as friends.

when I first came, I was a loner (I still am in some ways, after all it's in my nature). I was academically lost with the research culture at HELP. now, I'm no research-expert of course, but I've acquired so much more knowledge and friends.

the people have been so kind to me. many accepted me with smiles, and made me feel comfortable. it's a pity that I'm leaving just as I'm getting comfortable with the people here. well, that's life I guess.

I'm glad to be finishing my undergraduate education, yet I know I will miss it. the fun times in college, the fun times with friends. dinner at nando's tonite was a fun one and made me realize that I had found a place in HELP.

I treasure my time in UCSI and HELP, for it has helped me grow into the person I am today. I also treasure the different experiences I've gained in both places, as well as the friends.

I think I'm lucky to get this chance to meet so many new people. some people go through their 4 years of uni life with the same friends. I'm lucky to have met so many different people, from my hostel mates to my first ever psycho mates, to my first ever council mates, to my current psycho mates and second bunch of council mates.

2 more weeks of college and assignments and I will have attended my last class at HELP and submitted my last assignment. then it's the final hurdle of exams, and I'm a free woman. yes, a woman. I don't think I can call myself a girl anymore, though I look like one (DUH). LOL.

it's definitely scary to think that I will soon lose the one thing in life that's been constant for the past 18 years, which is school.

I feel a sense of relief knowing that I have 4 more assignments and I'm done. finishing forensic now, will finish counseling later in the day after I have slept. then it's cognitive report and my baby thesis. 9 more days.................I know I can survive.

nothing like a little bit of de-stressing

2008-03-21T11:47:00.000+08:00

finally went clubbing on thurs nite!! unfortunately, I was only in the club for 2 hours. couldn't stay any longer becos I had to rush home and finish up some work!

actually, I was considering giving it a miss. but it was kishen's birthday and lallu would have killed me if I had not made an appearance. I'm not complaining though. didn't really drink and only had one drink but the dancing was fun. I was rather exhausted from the past few weeks so I wasn't really up for any vigorous dancing. it was still good to let loose and move to some hip hop/r&b music.

I miss clubbing. I really do. I miss the getting high and dancing the nite away until my legs hurt. I also miss the company of my friends, who I hardly see anymore thanks to my busy hectic crazy schedule and workload. but it's not for long. one more month and I will be free! once I'm free, I'm gonna indulge in alcohol, go clubbing and party to my heart's content. then I'll pack up my bags and begin on the next phase of my life.

change.............it's coming............I'm definitely excited.

anyways, I suspect that some friends might be a lil pissy with me for constantly blowing them off (especially on msn) because I've been too busy. I owe a few ppl a few dates each. *sigh* I intend of catching up with everyone once I have the time and I am done being a student.

right now, I just feel like sleeping but I've got too much work to do. gonna work on my cognitive data analysis tonite before bed. thank goodness we're finally done with our assessment poster (almost)!! almost 10 hours today spent in main block, the pie shop and starbucks. I'm glad to be home.

I have no life

2008-03-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

and no time for myself.

I'm constantly rushing around, and I've got too many things on my mind. sleep is no longer a luxury I can afford. I sleep 4-6 hours a day, just to survive. I look tired most of the time, and my poor body is deprived of food and rest. my meal times are messed up, I constantly miss meals due to my hectic schedule. I've gone a whole day with only one meal and that's torture for me cos I have a high metabolic rate.

this blog is neglected and forgotten because I don't have time to chronicle my boring, tedious, busy academic life. everyday, there's at least 2/3 assignments to work on. after next week's colloquium, I am gonna die with my thesis to worry about. *sigh*

one more month of this madness and I'm done for good!!

I can't remember the last time I slept for 8 hours in a stretch. could have been 3 weeks ago.............

why are they shocked?

2008-03-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

the winds of change had been blowing for quite awhile now.

I was shocked, for awhile at least. now, I'm just amused. it's been coming.............

honestly, I was very surprised when they decided to go ahead and give the people a chance for change. simply because, it was obvious that this was a bad time for them.

the past few months, a number of incidences have not helped their popularity.

if they had listened to the people, they would know how disgruntled and unhappy the people were. this just shows that they clearly do not understand the people they claim to serve. or maybe, they just got too complacent.

now, it's for all the world to see...............the unhappiness of the people. they have spoken and they have chosen.

we all hope that this change is for the better. let this be a lesson to them. let this inspire them to improve and serve us better.

I'm not choosing sides here. I'm certainly not going to publish my preferences on such a sensitive topic here. I'm also not stating if I am happy or sad with this outcome. I'm merely giving my opinion on the matter.

stress is only a perception

2008-03-06T15:38:00.000+08:00

I keep telling myself that so that I don't feel stressed out.

too many things to do right now.

1) forensic assgn due tomorrow and I have not started writing my paper.

2) counseling presentation next wed and we have yet to start on our poster.

3) cognitive trial run on monday- i cant book my labs/classrooms yet and they're all running out

4) thesis data collection and entry is not done yet

5) cognitive display due in less than 2 weeks and I have yet to decide on what I'm doing!!

the only assignment that seems to be moving along quick enough is the assessment one, and we still have quite a lot of work for it.

*sigh*

any hopes I had of clubbing before the sem is over is now gone. I shall get used to not having a social life for the next 5 weeks.

even my blog has become dull(filled with assgn posts) and is rarely updated.

lazy sunday

2008-03-02T13:44:00.000+08:00

I feel so lazy...............in fact, I've been feeling lazy when it comes to blogging, hence the lack of updates. in addition, my life's gotten pretty boring so there's really not much to blog about.

my workload is steadily increasing and I am at the point where everyday, I have to think about my work and I have to sit in front of my laptop and research, write and so on, so forth. blah.........

I haven't been going out much especially on weekdays. the exception was the backstreet boys concert on wed nite which I totally enjoyed. I felt like I was 11 again! they sang most of their old hits and some new songs which I had never heard before and didn't really like. it was my first and probably only ever backstreet boys concert. it was a good experience. I remember being 11/12 and wishing hard that the backstreet boys would come to malaysia for a concert. well, it took 10 years for that dream to come true but nevertheless, it did come true so all hope is not loss for me to see my man justin timberlake!

on friday nite, I went out for dinner at kl city with my ex-college mates who have been MIA the past 2 months due to their graduation. then it was bangsar for drinks which resulted in a very interesting discussion about relationships, men and women.

yesterday, I headed to setapak to meet ade and decided to use another route so as to avoid the potential jam in kl city (btw, I was stuck for 45 mins trying to get onto SPRINT). it turned out to be a bad idea because we took a wrong turning and went on a very very long drive to someplace we had never ever planned to go. nevertheless, we made the best of the situation and had fun for a couple of hours (while poor ade waited) and found out later that we were going the right direction all along and there was no need to turn so early. bah! at least I learnt something new about kl roads.

so there u have it. my rather boring life. no clubbing, partying and all that drinking that I normally enjoy every now and then. the plans to have a CNY drinking party didnt happen because we all had midterms!! I think the next (and last because I'm moving out) party will be after finals, which will also be my last finals ever at HELP!! woot woot!!

gtg now. have to get ready to visit Agathians Shelter.

mid terms finally over

2008-02-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

what a relief. but, the work is just starting. the deadlines have started coming and next week I have a paper due. have not had time to start on it so I guess I'll be busy this weekend.

with all this work coming up, I think I won't be going out much anymore. as it is, my social life has taken a backseat this sem and I find myself spending more time at home. so sad.............at least I'm going to see the backstreet boys *runs and hides* in concert tomorrow.

oh well, I was a big fan back in the day when I was still 11. I feel no shame in my past history of being a teeny bopper who was into boybands. at least I'm soooo over that phase already, with the exception of justin timberlake but he's not in a boyband anymore. haha.

anyway, I look forward to seeing my childhood/early teenhood idols perform since I've never seen them live before. of course, I won't be screaming or cheering like some stupid 11 year old that I once was. will just sit back, relax, enjoy the music and re-live my innocent years.

mid terms ALMOST over

2008-02-25T02:17:00.000+08:00

they were supposed to be over by yesterday evening.............but a change of luck meant that I had extra time to study for the forensic exam!

ok............I'm really glad that I didn't have to take the paper on sat evening because I was pretty unprepared. I had only looked thru the handout notes that morning. but, it is a bit troublesome to have to spend monday nite studying for the paper.

thought I would be free after yesterday. oh well. now I have no excuse to not do well for this paper. LOL.

anyway, I've got to work on my resume now. it's due tomorrow. career guidance class, I know it sounds stupid and lame but we're forced to take it. seriously, forced because we wanna graduate by this sem!

just came back from hartamas where a few shisha virgins were de-virginized. LOL.

mid terms week

2008-02-19T18:21:00.000+08:00

by this saturday, I will be free from mid terms!!

finished my first paper today, assessment and profiling, which was......................let's just say I'm not aiming for high marks for this paper. haha.

tomorrow, cognitive psychology. then on saturday, forensic psychology and counseling.

can't wait for saturday. then I can finally get started on all the assignments before the deadlines come and haunt me.

the fundraising event is at a standstill. MAJOR STRESS.

BUS CRASH NO MORE

2008-02-17T06:07:00.000+08:00

SHOW YOUR SUPPORT!! SIGN THE PETITION!!

COME ON!! MORE SIGNATURES NEEDED!!

http://buscrashnomore.blogspot.com/

the red devils emerge victorious

2008-02-17T04:48:00.000+08:00

in a really one sided match that wasn't really exciting. arsenal have played so much better in other matches. they were totally not up for tonite's game. while I'm really glad and happy that man utd are thru to the next round, I have to be honest and say that the game wasn't really worth watching.

4 goals, but three un-exciting headers. good for fletcher though. the boy got 2 goals. I can only hope that man utd will emerge as the victors again for the premier league match. we're 5 points behind them in the league, and we've got some catching up to do. hopefully this match will not spur them to play better in the league. hehe.

champions league football is back! i'm definitely excited. hopefully this is man utd's season. 1999 seems so long ago.

I watched Jumper earlier tonite. the movie was......................disappointing. not bad, but disappointing. I was expecting a lot more. the concept was interesting, the execution was dismal. hayden was hot as always so that was a consolation.

my fave pics from cny

2008-02-16T05:51:00.000+08:00

picked out three (including a camwhore pic). don't have many pics this year becos I've been too occupied with my camcorder to be able to take pics. so unfortunate for my digicam, he's been replaced by my latest toy!

I had a good time with my cousins. the karaoke session on sat nite was the best! it was also fun to see my little nieces all grown up now! they were so tiny and short the last time I saw them!

with my bro, cousin sis, and two nieces

out of tune karaoke session

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

2008-02-11T16:42:00.000+08:00

IT'S THE YEAR OF THE RAT!!

I hope everyone had a great time during the holidays (wherever it is that you went).

I certainly had a great time, though the 5 days in penang totally exhausted me instead of rejuvenating me for the rest of this crazy sem.

I left KL for the lovely island of Penang last tuesday. we left around 3pm which meant that there was no jam so we were home in time for a late dinner.

wednesday was the reunion dinner day. as it is the day before cny officially starts, there was a lot of last min things to do including a quickie shopping trip to gurney.

thursday and friday were busy days with relatives visiting us and us having to visit relatives. friday nite was especially fun as there was a major gathering at my place with a lot of fun "activities" going on. once again, I didn't really win or lose................hopefully I'll win in kl. hehehe.

sat was the busiest day ever. more relatives came over, this time from my paternal side. my parents were hosting the reunion lunch this time around so we headed to some restaurant for an 8 course chinese lunch. after that, back to my place for more chillin before I had to rush off to meet up with a friend. after the meeting, I headed off for my reunion dinner with old school mates from mgs.

the reunion dinner was fun fun fun. the food was pretty good. the only drawback was that it was hot and we were all sweating! that's the problem with bbq steamboat dinners. while I enjoyed myself, I was exhausted with the heat by the end of dinner. next year, we should consider a nice air conditioned place. hehe.

after dinner, we headed to new world park, starbucks for some drinks and chillin. I didn't stay long because I had to rush off for a karaoke session with my brothers and cousins. we karaoke-d til it was almost 4 and then headed to the mamak. it was really fun and all the horrible singing was caught on tape. hahaha! we should definitely do it every year.

left pg yesterday morning. had trouble getting up due to the late nite so we only left the island close to 11am. ended up taking 8 hours to reach kl......................blah.

so I'm back in kl and classes have resumed. just realized that my workload is crazy and due to the hecticness in pg, I didn't manage to get much work done. @*&^!

I'm sooooooo not happy to be back. :(

MORE SIGNATURES NEEDED

2008-02-05T02:38:00.000+08:00

if you value your life and the lives of others taking the bus, pls head over

HERE
and sign the petition. we need your support. remember, it could have been you or someone you loved.

chinese new year is a few days away and I can't help but think about all the sorrow and grief her family must be feeling during this family-oriented supposingly joyous season.................

somehow it feels kinda wrong to be looking forward to CNY (not that I am, I'm just looking forward to penang). I don't know if I'll be able to drink and be merry this year. somehow, life just seems too precious to waste on drunken escapades. *sigh*

I'm still young and I should have fun while I can. after all, even the young ones leave unexpectedly so I should make the most of my youth. yet, there's a certain heaviness that I feel I'm carrying around with me. I can't help but feel that I've aged considerably in the past 2 years and now I'm at a turning point in my life. I can choose to "stay young" and do stupid things or choose to "embrace adulthood" and do something useful.

jeez.................I think I'm thinking too much. the bus accident has seriously messed with my thoughts. I have a feeling she's somewhere laughing at us poor souls on earth, struggling through our daily lives and unsettling thoughts. wherever she is, I'm sure she's happy...............

601st post

2008-02-03T14:21:00.000+08:00

woo hoo! another milestone for my blog. 600 plus posts and still going strong. this blog really has become a part of my life. I don't think I will ever stop blogging especially on this blog. maybe in the future when I become too busy I will stop. but I highly doubt it. it's become a habit and as we all know, habits are hard to break.

so anyways, life is starting to get a lil better. there hasn't been any emo news for quite a few days now so things are going back to normal. every now and then, I find myself still thinking about the accident, especially when I'm driving and I will automatically slow down or become more cautious.

as for the event that I am organizing with friends, we have hit a major road block and we are trying our best to get over it. I'm quite sure we will but right now, plans have to be re-planned and I think the event will be postponed to the 22nd of March. scheduling issues that were unavoidable came into the picture and it's been stressing me out quite a bit.

other than that, things are going ok. my workload in college is increasing because it's already 1 month and time's running out for all the assignments including my thesis. this CNY break is gonna be my last chance to breathe a little before the craziness begins. I have not seen a movie for quite a few weeks now and I really wanna watch Sweeney Todd, Cloverfield and Elizabeth. I think I will try and catch at least one movie on monday cos I'll be leaving for pg on tues.

last weekend, I rushed back to pg so I didn't get much done. this weekend, I haven't done much either. yesterday was movie day in college and I had to watch Good Will Hunting again. I just watched it last year for another counseling paper..............I know the movie's good, but having to get up in the morning and watch it in a very uncomfortable auditorium is just irritating. the seats were plastic and so hard to sit, unlike the comfy chairs in the other auditoriums. I tried to sleep but it was too uncomfortable so I ended up watching the movie in a sleepy daze.

then I sent my car for servicing which resulted in me spending 3 hours in McDs, Taipan with nothing much to do except to think about the event. I should have brought along a book to read but I didn't. lesson learned. always bring a book along wherever you go because you never know when you get stuck with nothing to do.

PETITION

2008-01-30T21:49:00.000+08:00

if you are as sad and angry as I am over the accident at Slim River, do your part now and sign the petition. it's time we make a stand and demand that action be taken against irresponsible bus drivers and bus companies.

http://buscrashnomore.blogspot.com/

I still can't believe it happened and that Nian Ning (I'm finally mentioning her name here) is gone forever. sometimes, I'll be going about my life and the accident comes into my mind, causing me to stop for a moment to think about the tragedy. it's been only 5 days but it feels like a long time ago. the trip back to pg to attend her wake and funeral happened so suddenly and quickly that it's barely registered in my memory.

I'm glad I went back to pay my last respects. but I'm also sad that I didn't get a chance to even talk to her when I saw her last.

life goes on...................it always does. but the impact of this accident will continue to affect those who were close to her and those who were affected by it.

I've always believed that life is short but this incident has made me realize that it could be cut shorter at any moment. we always believe that if we lead a healthy lifestyle, drive safely, and do not engage in life-threatening activities, we are safe. but we're not. we never know when our time is up. so this incident has definitely made me realize that I've got to take every day as if it's my last. every phonecall could be the last one and every meeting could be the last time I saw someone.

because of this, I am gonna remind myself every single morning that I am lucky to be alive, and that I am grateful for all the things in my life. I am grateful for the people that I have around me and I am thankful to have the chance to be a better person. so I'm gonna try my best to not end any phonecall on a bad note. I am gonna try to settle any conflict before it's too late. because really, we never know when we're going to leave this world.

IT'S TIME WE DID SOMETHING

2008-01-29T02:58:00.000+08:00

HELP THE FIGHT

it's sad that it has to take an incident like this to get us moving our butts. I was talking to jolene, joa and xinch in the car about this and we agreed that it was a good idea. I'm glad that others have thought the same and are getting started on it.

it's time to take action against these irresponsible ppl who take other ppl's lives lightly. i'm gonna be very honest, my fren was on a konsortium bus so ppl, if you value your life, I suggest you DON'T EVER TAKE KONSORTIUM.

she was so young...............so promising...............and though I never knew her very well, the time I spent with her convinced me that she was an amazing person and a good friend. I've been privileged to share some memories with her thanks to guiding. we've been to camps together and I'll always remember the trip to korea for that international camp. she was such a fun person, always full of life and bubbly.

I last saw her on new year's, when we were all partying at Mois and she was very wasted and I was quite wasted. I didn't get a chance to talk to her and I wish I did. I do remember saying happy new year to her but I doubt she was sober enough to hear................

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/1/28/nation/20146099&sec=nation&focus=1

rest in peace, my friend

2008-01-26T04:49:00.000+08:00

I received news a few hours ago that a friend has passed away.

I have not been in touch with her since high school ended, but I've seen her around a few times since, most recently during new year's eve partying.

I dunno what to say.................this has indeed been a sad week with a lot of surprises.

my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...............I hope you rest in peace, and I look forward to seeing you in the future, where else but in heaven?

note: she passed away due to injuries sustained in a road accident. she was on a bus, which was hit by another vehicle. I'm not too sure of the details but my advice to anyone who's planning to travel long distance by bus, think again.

unsettled

2008-01-25T11:51:00.000+08:00

the news of heath ledger's death continue to disturb and sadden me. he was such a young and talented individual...............not forgetting, hot.

until I find out what caused his death, I don't think I can let this matter rest. it just feels so weird to think that there will be no more heath ledger movies after the dark knight. I have a feeling I'm gonna cry if I watch any heath ledger movies right now...................reading all the news reports is hard enough.

anyways, I'm not really in a blogging mood these days. been kinda stressed out and this shocking news has kinda dampened my mood.

HEATH LEDGER IS DEAD

2008-01-23T15:18:00.000+08:00

I AM IN SHOCK...........SERIOUSLY IN SHOCK.

People.com

I like him a lot. especially after his teen hearthrob performance in 10 things I hate about you.

I hope he rests in peace...................

australian open dominating my life

2008-01-18T23:44:00.000+08:00

I think I'm spending too much time watching the australian open. the first thing I did yesterday and this morning when I got up was to switch on the tv. I even tried to get up at 8am this morning to watch the matches. of course, I didn't get up on time. was too tired from last nite.

last nite, I was at laundry for project bazooka. pretty fun gig. a lot of HELP ppl turned up. probably becos the organizers were HELP students. haha. after the gig, went to hartamas to chill.

I got back after 3am and only went to bed after 4am........bad idea becos that meant less tennis for me. but really, I need to kick the addiction! I did nothing useful today except for grocery shopping in the evening and sending out a few important emails. *sigh* what a waste of time!

tomorrow, I intend on doing more useful stuff and not watching that much tennis. I also intend on staying home so that I will actually get work done. and if I'm gonna watch tennis, I have to be home in front of the tv. hehe.

it's nice to have 4 day weekends...................but I've got to start on my thesis!!

tiring day

2008-01-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

went for my first forensic class this morning.....................*speechless*

actually, I've got a lot to say but I think I'll keep it to myself. let's just say I slept thru most of the class. was so tired the whole of today. I'm soooooo not used to the college lifestyle. been getting up past 11am during the holidays so it's hard to get up at 8am now.

had class in the afternoon as well. maybe that's why I feel so tired. not used to having 5-6 hours of class in one day. then in the evening, met up with bling-bling ah lian@ cwhoi for dinner at the curve. she's down in kl for a couple of days.

we got a lil lost trying to send her back. we knew we were in the rite area, we just couldn't find the right road. haha. after asking directions from kind strangers, we finally found it. and realized that the first place we went to wasn't that far off and we were sooooo close to getting it right.

anyways, I went to one u to find something. and didn't manage to find it. so I'm still pissed with myself about it................

other than that, the weekend was a good one. ade and diane stayed over and I had fun hanging out with them. did A LOT of shopping on saturday. more like window shopping, cos we didn't buy that much stuff. I got futsal shoes though! don't really like how they look but they feel nice on my feet. have yet to try them out. I got them on discount so I'm not gonna complain bout it's rather ugly color-gold.

ok. I'm gonna get an early nite cos I wanna get up and hopefully catch some australian open tennis action in the morning!

forgetful at the wrong time

2008-01-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

so pissed with myself.................

the weekend was going along great, and I was having a good time, shopping at 1utama and then checking out some shops in uptown. had a good dinner at william's and then reached home and realized that I had forgotten something very important. sheesh................

still can't believe how forgetful I was. I'm not gonna elaborate here because I'll juz end up pissing myself off even more. unfortunately, what's done is done. more like..............what's forgotten is forgotten and I can't do anything about it. *sigh*

no point being angry or sad. I juz have to move on with life and not think about it.

enchanted

2008-01-12T01:47:00.000+08:00

juz got back from watching the movie. *sigh*

typical disney movie..............happily ever after ending. it was a good watch though. totally enjoyed the movie and I can't wait to watch it again on DVD. never realized how stupidly funny and ridiculous these fairytale cartoons are until they're brought into the real world.

on another note, I'm in an extremely good mood today. the day started off well, and I had a 3 hour shopping session with bsim and diane after not properly shopping for months! dinner was good, ade joined us and after lazing around the house a bit, we decided to head to sunway to catch a movie. I went for Enchanted alone because the rest had seen it. they went for I Am Legend which I caught in penang.

I've also finally received my thesis results and needless to say, I am pleased. was so nervous when I was told by a friend that the results were out. we were juz about to drive out of the apartment complex and I was so tempted to turn back. but I controlled my emotions and managed to drive to sunway before whipping out my trusty phone and checking my results with it. *phew* I'm happy................I think this is gonna be a good weekend.

unspoken words

2008-01-10T20:43:00.000+08:00

2007 was a very good year for me.

I've grown and change in many ways, becoming more of the person I want to be.

I've met a lot of new people, some of them are interesting, some are inspiring, and some are just plain nice. what matters is that a lot of these people have made my 2007 colorful and as great as it was.

I've also had a good year academically. my grades improved from the previous year and I am now on course to achieving the honors classification that I'm aiming for.

I had a hand in starting the Rhythm Rascals, and I hope that this year will be a great year for the project.

I also had many friends who stayed in touch in 2007. my pg ex-schoolmates, my ucsi mates, my help mates, and all the other friends who don't fit into any category, I'm thankful that you guys are in my life.

however, now that it's time to say goodbye to 2007, I've realized that I have some unspoken words to say to a few individuals.............words that I should have said in 2007 but did not, and still could not. so here they are.

individual 1 - you are probably the most interesting person I've met in 2007, and I wanna get to know you better. I feel that I didn't make enough of an effort, and I intend to this year. it's been awhile since I've met someone that I can talk to the way I can talk to you. it's also been awhile since I've met someone who has opinions that are so similar to mine. it's been fun hanging out with you, and I hope that this year we'll get to know each other better. sometimes I may seem cold, but that's just my personality. I hope that you don't take it too personally. *clumsy*

individual 2 - I've been wanting to say this to you for a long time, but I just couldn't and I don't think I ever could. I'm really sorry for all that I've done to you in the past. when I look back at the person that I was then, I feel so ashamed and if I could go back and change the past, I really would. you didn't deserve all the crap that you had to go thru and I apologize for my role in it. I will forever feel this guilt, and I believe that it is my punishment for the things I did. the past is history now, and I'm thankful that we've moved on into a better place. I'm also thankful to have you in my life and I hope that someday, I will get a chance to right my wrongs.

individual 3 - 2007 showed me what a great friend you were. I dunno why but I can't seem to tell you how much I appreciate having a friend like you. you were patient with me, and would listen to my problems when I needed to talk. I could confide in you and not worry that you would tell others. I've learned a lot from you and though we are very different in a lot of ways, we are also very similar and I thank you for you friendship and kindness.

individual 4 - 2007 has been a very different year for us as friends. I feel that I'm losing touch with you and I think it's ok, because circumstances are such that it would be hard for us to be friends. I miss you a lot, but I've been missing you less. you will forever be that someone to me, that someone who I can tell things to, things that I would never tell anyone else. I can't put into words how much you mean to me and how much you have changed me in the short time we spent together. I can see that you're a different person now, and I know that I'm different too. and sometimes, I wish that I had met you when we were the two people that we are now, because who we were then, could not make it work. I must say that I like the new you a lot better and I wish you all the best in life because you deserve the best. maybe sometime in the future, we will get a second chance. but for now, we're busy with our own lives and I'm contended knowing that you're happy.

individuals 5 & 6 - you guys are the most important people in my life. thanks for accepting me for who I am and accepting the choices I've made with my life. I hope I didn't disappoint you in 2007 and I intend on making you proud this year.

individual 7 - 2007 was a year that made me wonder if our friendship was worth the time and effort. there were good moments, but there were also moments where I felt that I've had enough and I was done with you. honestly, I thought I knew you but now, I'm not so sure anymore. I think that you're a great person, but maybe you're not the type of person for me. you've been too difficult in 2007 and I dunno if I'm gonna put up with it anymore this year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2008-01-06T21:52:00.000+08:00

IT'S 2008!! WOO HOO!! ANOTHER YEAR HAS GONE, AND HERE WE ARE AT THE START OF ANOTHER (HOPEFULLY) AMAZING YEAR!

I just got back from langkawi today and the trip was fun fun fun! I didn't get as wasted as I wanted to but I brought back 2 bottles of liquor and one bottle of wine so I'm satisfied.

tomorrow, I'm finally going back to kl. it's the start of my last semester as an undergraduate........WOW!! I still can't believe I'm so near to graduation!!!

2007 has been an amazing journey. I'm so close to the end of this chapter of my life and 2008 is gonna be a year of many more changes.

friends came and went in 2007. this year is gonna be the same, we're all graduating (ucsi frens and HELP classmates) so things are gonna change. no more weekly chillin and the usual crap. we're actually gonna be working ADULTS! no more going to cheras to chill, cos I'm sure everyone's moving out from the area.

I will also be saying goodbye to my current housemates (SOB), bsim and xinch, and moving in with my older brother in subang.

I will also be organizing the biggest event of my life, the ROCK UP! charity event in March.

and heading to europe in july for a 3-week holiday with great frens (wlyn, xinch, cwhoi, rachlaw). can't wait!!!

and spending 4-5 weeks in cambodia, doing something I've been wanting to do ever since I started admiring oprah.

I think 2008 is gonna be amazing and I can't wait!!!

what else can I say?? 2008 started with a bang for me as I partied in Mois@ upper penang road with frens (val, xinch, cwhoi, edward, mel). embarassed myself outside of Mois but it's all good since it was new year's and I was wasted. then, I spent 3 days in the beautiful island of langkawi with my ucsi frens, enjoying the cheap booze, chocolates and the fun company of my frens.

yes...............2008 has been great so far. it can only get better....................

will blog more when I'm back in kl with a proper internet connection!

internet withdrawal

2007-12-22T14:29:00.000+08:00

48 hours without internet and I am currently suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms which include:

1) extremely pissy mood resulting in snapping at harmless ppl
2) extremely high stress levels due to the slowness of dial-up
3) increased sleeping hours - there's no internet to look forward to so why bother waking up?

I FUCKING HATE DIAL-UP BUT NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE USES THE INTERNET AT HOME SO DADDY DOESNT WANNA GET STREAMYX JUST TO PLEASE ME SINCE I ONLY SPEND 6 WEEKS MAX IN PENANG THESE DAYS.

AND I FEEL FUCKING LAZY TO GO OUT TO SOMEPLACE WHERE THERE'S A FASTER INTERNET CONNECTION.

THERE'S NOTHING INTERESTING TO WATCH ON ASTRO AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF GOSSIP GIRL EPISODES TO WATCH!!! HELPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!

I THINK I NEED TO MAKE A TRIP TO THE DVD STORES NEAR MY PLACE AND STOCK UP ON SOME DRAMA SERIES.

it's finally over!!

2007-12-18T12:25:00.000+08:00

and it was a success!! I had a great time. people had a great time. things went pretty smoothly. there were some hiccups but which event doesn't have any?

at the end of the nite, I felt proud to have played my part in organizing such a successful event.

I'm too tired now from the after-party at my place, another night in bayu puteri, to go into details. got the rhythm rascals christmas party later this afternoon.

countdown (and other stuff)

2007-12-16T19:53:00.000+08:00

less than 24 hours to prom. oh my goodness!! STRESS. almost everything is settled. in fact, pretty much everything is settled. but as always, there are some last min things to settle tonight and tomorrow morning. and in the afternoon, we have to go over to the place to decorate.

then i'll have to rush home to shower, go do my hair and makeup and get dressed. and I will only have 2 hours to do all that before I have to be at the place. thank goodness I live 5 mins away from tropicana golf and country resort. *phew*

right now, I'm starting to feel excited. it is going to be my last prom ever as an undergrad. I'm also nervous because it is the biggest event we've organized as a council, and I've given so much for this.

I have a feeling it's gonna be fun even though only a small number of people will be attending. on the other hand, 150 people ain't too bad. considering that bpsych has 600 over students only. that's already one quarter of the student population.

at the end of the day, it's not the number of people that makes a prom good. it's the type of people and we have a lot of fun people in bpsych. add in alcohol and we have fun, horny, crazy, noisy ppl in bpsych. LOL.

speaking of alcohol, the mini drinking party we had on friday nite was a blast. christmas comes early at bayu puteri turned into "one night in bayu puteri". hehehe. thanks to my beloved new hubby, who I've yet to name, lots of the good moments (including shocking confessions) were caught on tape. hahaha! I can't wait for the next party!! it'll probably be a cny one. I don't have any pics from the party becos I was too busy filming but I think xinch has loads. will get them from her.

I've got other pics to put up but not tonite. yesterday nite, we had a "xinch's birthday comes early" celebration at laundry, the curve. izmir organized the whole thing and the girl had absolutely no clue!! thanks to some amazing acting from the gang (including some last min improvisation from ainul and her bf) and me (I took home the oscar award for the nite *perasan*).

it was a fun celebration and the nite ended with everyone gathered at our place, watching the incriminating videos from the nite before. needless to say, I had a few very embarassing moments caught on tape! but so did the others. the most entertaining award goes to king (for all his horny humping) and elvi (for all her very tipsy-drunken faces and expressions). ivy's dancing was a fun watch too.

I like to sit at home when it's raining outside

2007-12-14T14:19:00.000+08:00

it's so nice to just jump into bed, snuggle under the sheets, have nice music playing, and just do nothing. of course, I'm not doing that because I'm sitting in front of my laptop hubby, Hayden, blogging. exams are over so I finally found the time to upload pictures!!

I actually feel like sleeping but if I don't post them now, I'll get lazy. so here they are. starting with nicky's birthday at manhattan fish market. then it's kuan yew's birthday at some middle eastern restaurant in ampang.

kennee and diana (also known as nana)

azeem and kishan

kristy and linda

the birthday boy who's not a boy anymore

why are they both not looking at the camera??

the seafood platter.........yum!

didn't take many pictures because I had to leave before the celebration ended. I went to collect my federer-sampras tickets and missed the cake cutting.

and here are the pics from kuan yew's birthday. we had a blast that nite! just did stupid stuff all nite long. after dinner, we adjourned to KLCC because the birthday boy (who's also not a boy anymore) claimed that the weather was very lovely and he wanted to just walk around. because it was his birthday, we agreed.

penang mates

the very weird food I had. the chicken tasted ok but the bread was all soggy and pretty disgusting. of course, I didn't finish the bread.

now you see him

now you don't

video-camwhoring

praying to the birthday God (if there is one)

kesian.............I caught it all on video!! and that's the wonders that my new hubby can do!

yuva showing off his shisha-ing skills

the gang who showed up for ky

ah-lian/lala wannabe

I have no idea what was going on there.

azeem and linda sharing a "moment"

these two need to just go get a room

we attacked linda with some lesbo moves and it worked!! poor girl was terrified!

birthday boy getting his birthday present

some weird smoking action

we are proud to present our masterpiece!!~ 7 glasses filled with shisha smoke (ya we were bored)

linda's always sitting next to either azeem, or kennee. well, when you've got two men in your life, it's a lot of work. hehe.

the softer (gay) side of azeem

I think she smoked a bit too much cos she started doing some pole action in the middle of the klcc park!

I pity the pole................

us just hanging around the empty park (it was past 12am)

group photo taken by the security guard who was shoo-ing us away

ok. that's all for now. I've got more pictures taken during the junk fornite event but I'm too lazy to post them now. I wanna take a nap. woke up at 10 am this morning because I had to settle some prom stuff. would have liked to sleep in late since I am already on holiday but duty calls. gonna be heading to sunway lagoon later this evening for the battle of the bands event. nicky and jim will be performing!!

then later tonite, tani session!!

I should be...............

2007-12-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

out tonite, celebrating my freedom from studying.

instead, I'm sitting at home and thinking hard. I'm so sick of thinking. in fact, I'm fed up. I really should not be wasting whatever little brain power I have left on something like this.

it's not worth it. it used to be worth it but I've decided that it's not.

I'm gonna continue playing scrabble on facebook. it's fun. I've forgotten how much I enjoy scrabble. jolene and xinch>> we need to play!!

exams are over!!

2007-12-13T16:41:00.001+08:00

my holidays have finally begun!!!

after waiting for so long...............and bitching and moaning about the past sem, I'm finally done with my academic year. now, I've only got one more sem left before I finally graduate.

WOW. I am a final sem student.

has it been almost 4 years already?? crazy. the past 3 years and 8 months have been crazily fun, busy, exciting, different and......................a great experience. the first chapter of my life was over when I left penang. now, I'm about to close the second chapter.

I feel excited already. and I've got so much more work to do next sem before I actually graduate. I will finally be gathering data for my thesis and I can't wait to see if my results are significant. if they are, then I would have contributed something to the limited literature in malaysia. hehe. if my research is deem good enough, I'm gonna try and get it published. I know, a lil over-ambitious here. probably won't happen but a person can dream, rite?

so anyways, I'm celebrating the end of my exams by playing scrabble on facebook. LOL. hey, scrabble is fun. will be heading to bangsar later to meet some frens for dinner then a quiet nite at home. I need to rest. poor brains are exhausted. first, there was health psych assignment. the week after, thesis proposal. then immediately after, 3 final exams.

I'm almost brain dead.................

exams!!

2007-12-10T21:18:00.000+08:00

it's that time of the semester again................exam week. I finally submitted my thesis proposal today. yay!! such a relief.............I can't say I did it to the best of my abilities. it was rush work as usual. and though I gave it my all, I just didn't have the time to include another 9 articles into my paper. I know..............I should have started earlier. I tried. really I did. my mind just doesn't work well when I know the due date is more than 48 hours away. hehe.

well, I've got three papers in the next three days then I'm free!! 2 weeks plus of hols and then my final sem as an undergrad. wow! this is really coming to an end.

suddenly, my headache and fever is going away. LOL. ok. I'm gonna start studying. second last sem. I really need the grades.

and no...........my headache is not going away. I'm gonna take more panadol.

MCR tonite!

2007-12-09T15:02:00.000+08:00

I will be going for the my chemical romance concert tonite! I juz bought my ticket today. surprisingly, all the tickets are not sold out. looks like there aren't many MCR fans around. I'm not a huge fan myself, I do enjoy their music but I just feel like attending a rock concert. besides, I think it'll be fun.

unfortunately, I feel rather poorly today. got up and my voice was gone. last nite, I started having a sore throat so I took some herbal tea but that obviously didn't work. I spent the earlier part of today croaking and whispering but now, my voice has come back though I sound even more like a man. hehe.

I also feel like I'm having a mild fever so I'm pumping myself with panadol. I have my thesis proposal to rush through later tonite and a lot more studying to do so I can't fall sick rite now. been thinking that going for the concert might be a mistake but to compensate for the time lost, I will be bringing my notes to study.

now I'm gonna go back to writing my thesis proposal so that I don't have to burn the midnite oil again tonite. thank goodness it's only due at 5pm tomorrow.

studying can wait

2007-12-07T14:33:00.000+08:00

had a blast last nite at the junk fortnight event at this small restaurant/bar called palate pallete or something like that. haha. we were supposed to leave by 12 something because we have exams next week and I have my thesis proposal but..............the music started getting better and we didn't want to leave!

so we ended up staying until it was almost time to close at 2am. reached home after 3am, totally exhausted. I had a hard time waking up today and only got up because I received a msg from the t-shirt guy saying I need to collect them before 1pm.

I've collected the tshirts so ppl, come get them! will be in college next week from mon to thurs and a collection booth will be opened on monday and thursday.

on a side note, my poor legs are aching today. played futsal yesterday and then danced so much last nite.

.........................

2007-12-06T01:19:00.000+08:00

I had some things to blog about. wanted to talk about the good weekend I had. but something has ruined my blogging mood.